I thought you'll be e' first guy who proved to me that not all guys are e' same. But rly what you've proven to me is that ey're rly all e' same. Love can make you happy but oftentime it hurts. But love is only special when you give it to who it's worth. R/s are like glass sometimes is better to leave it broken en' to try to hurt yourself to fix it back. There're things that we dn't want to happen but have to accept, things we dn't want to know but have to learn. & ppl we can't live w/o but have to let go. Dn't ever give up if you still wna try. Dn't ever wipe your tears if you still wna cry. Dn't ever settle for an ans if you still want to know. & dn't ever say you dn't love him if you can't let him go.

You said you dsn't want to see me get hurt, so does that mean you closed your eyes when i cried? Oftentimes we said goodbye to e' person we love w/o wanting to. Thou that dsn't mean we've stopped loving em' or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful say to say i love you. Someday you'll cry for me like i've cried for you. Someday you'll miss me like how i missed you. Someday you'll need me like i needed you. Someday you'll love me like how i crazily loved you, but i wont love you. Cos I'm tired of fighting like hell. Moving on is simple, its what you've left behind makes it diff. Letting go isn't about giving up is accepting that there are things that cnt be. There're things in life we didn't wna let go of ppl we didn't want to leave behind. Dn't hold on to smth too long that's nvr meant. Sometimes we need to set things free befr it hurts us badly.

Dn't try to understand everything that is happening. Sometimes it is not meant to be understood but rather to be accepted thou ppl always said ' Everything happens for a reason ' Do you knw what's hard about being strong? Is that nobody cares to ask if you're hurt. Staying w someone you can't be tgt for alot of reason is like staying under e' rain. It's gna make you sick. It's nt by doubting a person that make things hurt you but to find out your doubt was true. We dn't have to rush things. Cos if something is rly meant for you, even if somebody owns it now, someday you'll own that too. What is hard in being alone is not sadness or fear, but its e' fact that billions of ppl in e' world, no one even cares. E' reason why isit hard to be happy is cos we find it hard to let go of e' things that made us sad.

Ppl stereotype, ppl judged, ppl criticises. But none i care. Why isit affecting me much? My ego became more unbearable each day. I rly dn't care what other ppl say about me. Cos' what ey've said i've done that twice to em'. So it's okay. But if ppl dsn't want to see us tgt, i rly dk how do i've to ignore it. Srsly it hurts. It's nvr easy being me. I dn't have everything in complete. Ppl dn't understand me at all. It's so tormenting to act like its okay but it's killing me inside. Yah idk how to i've to ignore it cos' you dnt even bother about this r/s, i assumed. If you were to hold me telling me everything is okay as long as you're there for me. I've no assurance. All you gave me was doubts. You were nvr there.

I changed at that point of time i knew ugly stuffs ppl said. But i dn't rly give a damn. Cos' love is bullshit. But ppl dk what you did to me & made me turned into a fxckedup 'bitch'. Why? Does anyone knw how you treated me back en'?

If no one wants to see us tgt, why are we still tgt? I mean why am i still fighting like hell to keep this r/s gg on if you dn't even give a damn. If you care, i dn't mind about fighting like hell for you. Why shld i? I'm tired of loving, waiting assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry & hurting.

I'm left w nothing? I dn't mind you restrict everything of me. It's okay if you dn't let me say hi when i see my friends on street. I dn't mind you asking me not to reply my friend's text. I dn't mind everything you restrict me. BUT WHY ARE YOU DOING ALL E' THINGS YOU RESTRICT ME YET I CAN'T EVEN DO A SINGLE SHIT?! WHY?! You've got your friends those that dsn't wants to see us tgt, you're nvr left w nth. There's no one i can ever turn to? You chased my friends away, those that were always being there for me when you forsake me. I wonder where we will go.

I'm tired, tired of loving you. I can't even voice anything out..

Please .. stop torturing me. I'm afraid of loving you. I dn't meant to doubt you getting all freaked out when your fone rings. But it's e' past that turned me into this way. Can you stop lying to me? Can you stop ' can't get enough of girls ? ' I'm rly tired. Idk how long more do i have to hold on.. Please. Stop.

Why no one understands? No one understands why i've turned into this. I miss me. I miss e' me befr i've met you. I lost everything. You were nvr there to hear me out...

Kind of miss those hardcore partying life w all my girls & friends out there. Cutting down so much aft i've gotten back w him. Those periods of dramas when we're drunk in a group. Slaps forehead* WE'RE FXCKING NOISY! It's damn funnnnnnnn. I miss it! );

Something brought me here. My insomnia. Like wtheck am i doing in blogger at 5.39am? This feeling is shitty i swear. Like srsly?! I've to be up on 9 ltr. I'll get slaughtered if i'm not able to get up. Someone help me to get asleep pleaseeeeee. My cig is being so nice to be my companion at this hr oh yea plus my ipad. Nicest souls i swear for this moment ohnleee.

Sorry for party rocking .. Peeeeektures! I miss my girls. I miss Dor, fy, sw & junjun ); So sorry for not being able to meet up often. We'll hit e' club one fine day tgt! I know you all miss my presence. Hahahahaha!












I srsly need a haircut tmr. Shit! BYE.

This is crazy. Can you believe I'm having insomnia right now when I'm supposed to be deprived of sleep?! I've nth to blog. Nth to say. But boredom brought me back to my memory lane. I'm on his bed w him beside me sleeping soundly. Just 2 more mths to my bday'. I dnt wanna grow up ); I miss my childhood. Ey're e' best memory I've ever had. W all my wonderful friends that I've grew up w. Just wish for one more time for time to turn back. It's impossible. Would I ever want to land myself over here? I doubt so.

My life is fxcked. Fxcked!

I knew my next love life would be better, sweeter. Cos i believe in karma. (;
Watch your back dude. Hurt me once, karma would kill you twice.

Dn't talk about marriage to me. Cos' we'll nvr last. You can't handle me at my worst you dn't deserve me at my best. You screwed my trust. F-U-C-K you!

I'm leaving, & this time i'm nt turning back. It's time to find someone who can treat me right (;

I've no time for games.

A.venue Bistro.

My blog is fxcking dead. My life is in a mess. I'm updating for e' sake of memories for myself. Hoping few years down e' road i'll be flipping back e' archives of my blog knowing what i've been doing for all these while. Being single is good but sometimes lacking love. Lacking of someone to reprimand me when i get home late & being there for me. I wanna fall in love again, all over again. But i just can't find e' right guy. Countless of guys now. But none are my cup of tea. I wanna meet a cute guy. A real cute one. He just have to be cute & nth else. I love guys w hoodies on. Guys w a kiddy look but yet he's matured in e' inside. Can i like meet one soon? Haha. I'm just kidn'. I dn't think i'll ever fall in love. When i really fall in love i'm gonna make him e' one. E' one that we'll last for a lifetime.

What have i become? I'm running against time. Time just flies. I'm gonna be 20 in few mths time. Too fast. If only time could rewind. I'll choose guys wisely. & it'll not lead me till who i am today. If only i didn't met em', maybe i'm much more happier. Damn. Isit true that everyone just live once? Is there smth like e' next life?

I just dn't understand guys. He's e' one that made me so confused. It's still him. It's still 100210. FML. All our promises, all our future, all our sweet talks went down e' drain. One day he'll understand if he met one like how i'm feeling when he's walking my mile. All e' best.

I shld stop my party life soon. I'm partying crazy every week w/o fail. It's just everyweek. Is this e' life i wanted? Or back to those torturing period? Where i rushed back to his crib everyday aft work & rushing out from his hse to work. Having him by my side yet he's heart is on somewhere else? Both lives are tired. What do i want actually? Just someone whom love me wholeheartedly & isn't afraid to show e' world how much he loves me. Snuggling under e' blanket w sweet talks etc. Isit so hard? I'm nvr contented, all humans too.

I'm tired. So tired of my fxcking life. But i'm glad i've friends whom have my back all e' while. Thanks. But i'm still tired. When can i have my happily ever after? Reminiscing sweet moments. But ey' nvr lasts.

Oh ya & marché w him. Guess it'll be e' last meal. Haha. I rmbred e' first dining in marché w him we were both so broke yet he still make e' effort to fork out & brought me there w all my terrible whinings. Thanks for e' sweet (; you're e' best I nvr had.

For all e' memories. For all e' tears. For all e' fights. For all e' laughters. For all e' risk. For all e' sacrifices. For all e' wounds. For all of what we've given each other. Finally it came to a halt. Thanks for being there. 100210.

I miss us sometimes. But it's e' not same misses anymore. I miss who you used to be. Dn't ever say sorry to me cos' it's like throwing a second insult on my face. You dn't need me actually. Maybe you're just afraid of being alone. W/o me being there to sleep by your side. Waking you up in e' morning. Cooked for you when you're hungry. Shopped w you giving you giving all e' comments & critics. Create a din in your room. Messing up every part of your room. I love e' way you are.

Thank you. Lewis Lim. For making me grow. For making me overcome every obstacles that i've came across independently. & deal w all e' tears everynight by myself.. That's when i realized i dn't have to rely on you. Cos' i can definitely handle myself. You were nvr there to catch me when i fall. I picked myself up thanks to you.

I left you, e' reason will nvr be i stopped loving you. I love you too much to let you go. Thanks for all e' memories.

& fml. All e' videos in my fone. We played crazily tgt. That's e' best part.

Go on w your life. Find a girl that could replace me. That could love you in a million ways. You deserve someone better. I dn't blame you for treating me like this. I've got only myself to blame. Maybe i just didn't play my part well as your girl. We'll be e' best of friends. (;

I heard stories about you. Everyday i'm listening to e' song of e' drama we watched tgt in your room. It's playing every single day in e' fm. Did you even realized both of e' chi songs i'll remind of us are both from e' drama we first watched when we're tgt & e' other one is e' last we caught tgt? Why am i moving on? Why did i moved on so fast? No guys helped me to move on. You're still e' last i love. There's none other in my heart now. You know how cruel you are? I re read your texts sent by you. How cruel can you be to me? I feel like i'm a pathetic piece of crap! You left no living road for me to walk. How many times you've given me up so fxcking easily? How many times did you asked me to move on? I've gt no other choice left. I've nvr once given up on you when you asked me to. Till e' last time.. You left me w no fxcking choice. How many umpteem times i begged you back to me? You didn't even give a hoot to me. Coincidentally idk why i pressed till your texts. I reread e' one you sent to me w emoji like how i oftenly sent to you during those torturing period. I felt so silly & even wanna cry. Cos' i won't ever get a fxcking more en' 10 words from you. All you replied was ' siao ah? lol ' & no more. Ever felt how disappointed i felt at that point of time? I swear i typed w all my heart trying to make your day. But somehow you dn't need all these. It's just one sided.

My 19 yrs of life. You were my favorite hello & hardest goodbye. I'vr nvr waited for someone. Knew how i lived my everyday w fears in your house? Even how tired i am i'll still get up early thou i still have 2 more hrs to sleep befr gg work. But i still endure everything for e' sake of being w you. Everytime when you're in your room, aft i showered. I dn't dare to open your fxcking room's door softly. I deliberately make loud noises turn e' knob loudly to let you notice i'm coming in so you could stop your craps or flirting viewing girl's pic in your comp. Dn't even dare to fetch you right on your sch entrance just fearing you might not want anyone to see me. Dn't even dare to glimpse on your fone each time it rings. Rmbr i always acc you to walk to e' bustop & whe you board e' bus i'll go. But you're meeting your classmate there so i walked e' other way in case you dsn't want him to see me. I rather you deceive me rather en' letting me knw e' truth. Cos' i knw i'll breakdown. & to you when i cry it's irritating. My tears wet your pillow every alternate days. I always cry asking myself why did you do these to me? E' guy i love. I've nvr question any doubts on who's right or wrong but e' only thing i care is whether isit worth it or not. I'll tell myself everythings gonna be worth it in e' end. I dn't care how many girls you flirt how many girls you meet but e' only thing i care is whether will you be back to me.

I thot i could change you. I can't. I'm fxcking useless. Rmbr each tears you made me roll down my cheeks. It's every lie you lied. But i still lied to myself you didn't. Ever know how tormenting it could feel? Can't you see how much effort i made to change myself cos' of you? You endlessly got me for granted & hurt me countlessly. You made me fall for you by those sweetest words you nvr meant. Where have all those promises gone to? You played w fire time aft time. Tell me? How to get back to you thou times i think about you when some scenes & songs reminded me of you. You wouldn't want me to do back those 7mths to you. Cos' if i treat you e' way you treated me you'll hate me. All i knw is for all e' guys that came across me now i'll let em' taste e' way how you got me. Idk what's love anymore. All i know is how you got me becoming a player. Influencing my friends just to screw e' guys feelings up. All thanks to you.

Stop saying i've moved. Cos' e' one that move on first was you. It was nvr me. All those emoji texts i typed you restored your fone w/o even giving a damn of saving it down. My efforts just went down e' drain. You left me so unappreciated. You used to be e' first reason i smiled every morning but for e' torturing period you're e' reason behind each tear i cried at night.

I moved on not bcos' of stopped loving you. You left me w no fxcking choice. It's e' only way i've to walk. Dn't worry i wouldn't get myself any bf. Cos' it's e' player game starts now.

Hello Stranger.

I'm not trying to pick a fight nor to knock senses into stubborn people's head. It'll just get to no avail. Just trying to reason out & for what i care what's right or wrong. You rly made me regretted being w you. My thinking wasn't like this in e' first fxcking place. It used to be ' love you once love you still, i always have & i always will. ' Seems like i've implanted a fxcking enormous mistake in my life which is ever being w you. Unnecessary rumours & being stab from e' back from your fee u wee bros. Thanks ah. Ey' nvr will comprehend how does it feels to walk this mile. Hey i'm not blaming you. But for all e' things i've done i just felt so unworth. I used to think everything will be worth in e' end. Guess i was wrong. Entirely wrong. Well, it's okay. You got your bros on your back, i've gone mine too steadily. Vice versa. How much awful or ugly stuffs that's spouted from their mouth my friends did it way much more uglier en' em' to say about you. I tried e' soft way. But it just dsn't works. I used to tell myself ' if i dn't cb, ppl will also cb to me. So why not i cb? So i wouldn't get hurt? ' So i'll knn cb all e' way. You made me do these. Just pray hard none of you ever falls into this misery. Cos' if you did you'll fxcking understand. What's e' use of holding on to grudges? I dn't hate all of you. I dn't owe all of you a fxcking living. If you think i'm at fault. So be it. It has nvr ever been a issue in my life befr & it fxcking will nvr be. I'll walk my way but just dn't intrude into my affairs. What's e' point of blaming? If all of you are each other pillar of strength would it even fall apart? C'mon la. Have you ever think what are friends for? Knowing him/her mistakes but still have her back all e' way supporting her? Reprimand him/her first but still you got to side her all e' way! Cos' this is what are friends for! Knewing their flaws yet trying to be understanding cos' him/her is just born this way?

Find it such a joke. Actually it dsn't matter much to be anymore. Cos' i'm out of that fxcking life/world. Just passerby in my life. What for? I'm not getting affected cos' ey' aren't even my friends. I've got way much more better stuffs to look out for.

For e' person i love. I'll risk everything to be w him i dn't care how fxckup i was being said. It just dsn't matter. Cos' you're all that matters. But you're making a fool out of me. Making me risk all these obstacles so unworth & unappreciated. I'm glad you're out of my sight out of my world. Cos' w/o you i'm so much more way fxcking hell happier. Your presence just sucks. This hatred will go on w me. Those 7mths of torture i'll fxcking hell rmbr. Your abhorness from me cfm up there. Thanks k?

Tio yam ka dulan is at e' back.

Dnt blame me if I've got too many guy friends. Cos I believe guys are more reliable en' girls. Ey' nvr took advantage of me instead ey' treat me and pamper me like their lil' sis. Ey' took care of me. When other guys try to come close to me ey' defend for me pull away e' guy. How can I not be contented w my current life? Ey' stood up for me always. I'm glad I'm out of e' past sickening misery. Cos that jerk nvr once stood up for me. He thinks all my guy friends getting close to me is trying to take my advantage. But he nvr knew diff ppl has diff mindset. He's that kind of bastard it dsn't makes all guys e' same. He thinks all e' guys think alike w him? Lol. He's a joke that hvnt came ard his idea. He makes me cherish my friends so much. I love all of you! (; & one day he'll bound to get whack if he conti to touch other guys girls. Watch out bastard.


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