The 21st Princess.

Hello dearest friends, xx

E' reason for blogging this on my dead blog is cos' I'm too lazy to whatsapp y'all one by one. So I'll just chunk everything up on this lil' space of mine. And another reason is to reminiscence if i were to flip back my archives back to my memory lane.

I wna say a big 'THANKYOU' to all you who made e' effort to come down and create this unforgettable memories on this special day of yours truly. T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U-!

Andddddd.. Thanky'all for no birthday cake for e' first time celebration ever ); (Hahaha) It's okay i dn't mind!

Lil' things could make me contented.. So I'm grateful for having each of you in my life! It's not about e' gifts, but e' thoughts that count.

Bestest thing that ever happened to me..

Fang Ying:

Hello Bestie! Thanks for working so hard just to earn and get me my fav bag. It isn't cheap at all and it pains me to see you working extra job ); So so so touched! And you made me teared! Thanks for being e' pillar of my strength whenever i encounter obstacles or whenever I'm upset. You'll come to my house and sleep w me fearing I might cry myself to bed. For all that you've done, I'll rmbr. And I'll use all of all i can to shield you from troubles nvr letting you getting hurt. Bcos' when ey're hurting you, ey'll be facing me. Although you're annoying at times, I still love you and I'm thankful for your presence. Nothing else matters, but only you. Still e' same, even if e' whole world goes against you, I'll still be there to back you up. <3 deep.="" div="" you="">

Shu Wen:

Hello girl! I've to thank you so much for cracking your brains and brainstorming w me whenever I'm having a headache for planning my bday'. Your nvr-ending consoling always made my day. Although my bday' became your bday' but I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hehe. Super thankful for you! You're e' one who is always assuring me making my bday' complete. Friends forever! LOLOL. <3 div="" you="">

Esther:

Hello Sis! 11years and counting.. Thank you for making your way down to my bday' even if your bf dsn't allow and coming down made you quarrelled w him or even when you dn't drink at all. I'm sorry ); Tysm for being here w me. Always loving you my good sister!

Ah Hoong:

Hello Korkor. Thankyou for e' Celine bag. E' most exp present I've ever received ); Heartpain* Thank you for all that you've done for me be it 7years back or even till now. 7years back you were always there for me, 7 years ltr it's still e' same although we're apart. For all e' things you've done for me, I'll always rmbr. You're always e' first nvr fail to shield me, stand up for me, protect me at all cost. When ppl are saying things behind my back, you're always e' first to shut em' up and scold em'. No one will ever do these to me.. not even a bf of mine. Appreciates* Thank you for pampering me like a princess and giving me e' best that you could. Most importantly loving my family like their your own. E' things you've done for me is too much. Although you always say you wna repay me for what you did to me in e' past, you've done it more en' over. Thank you!

Tze Jun:

Hello Lil' boy! I'm so thankful for you having to chip in on my bday' present! Super hearts you! & i miss how we always meet up so often in e' past doing stupid things tgt ); It's so different now. & thank you for always being e' first to rush down to me whenever i called you crying. Always my lil' boy. <3 chu="" div="">

Yan Fen:

Hello darling! Thank you for making your way down still although your car died halfway in e' expressway when otw to my bday'! Super appreciate it. Thank you! <3 div="" s="">

Wei Chye:

Hello Uncle! Thank you for coming down when you can't make outgg calls on your fone feeling like a handicapped unable to reach me when you're at vivO and not knowing anyone on my bday'. I totally feel you. Hen gan dong you mei you. Sorry if my bday' bore you out! Thank you, appreciates*

Dest, Zhicai, Benny:

Hello bros! Thank you for your presence! & making your way down to my celebration (; Truly appreciate it. & Zc, thank you for taking pic w me when you shocked everyone out cos you always hated to take pic. Hehe. Dest, Korkor thankyou for being so steady and my tanker of e' day! Benny, ty for not even hesitating to come down for my bday' when i invited you. Thank y'all!

Ah Bong:

Hello Ice Cream! Thank you for your effort. Totally worn out aft work still made your way down even for that 'just awhile.' Touched* & you're always there to help me when I'm facing difficulties, always sending me home whenever I'm drunk! Thank you!

Jav:

Hello friend! Thank you for e' '21st' balloon. It rly surprised me when you came w tt balloon hanging at e' back of your car. I've nvr gotten this kind of surprise befr! & also helping me to book e' tables over there. For all that you've done, thankyou.

Justin:

For all e' efforts you've made, thank you so much! E' surprises that caught me off guard, no one elses did these to me befr! So effing sweet can?! I feel like I'm living in a drama. You're e' one who saw me grow from 20th to my 21st! Lol! I spent my last few hours of 20th w you know?! Anddddd e' happiest thing is that you finally brought me back to my fav restaurant to dine on my bday'! Thank you also for forking out time for me almost everyday. My best ever bday' is having you w me. Hehehe. I rly rly rly appreciate it deep down. <3 div="" nbsp="" s="">

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[Gems of my life.]

Mummy: 

Hello Mi! Thank you for buying me a bday' cake for e' 1st ever time in my entire 21years of life, so sad T.T To me, you're my world's bestest woman in my life. W/o you there'll nvr be who I am of today. I'm sorry for my princess attitude and foul temper always ); You are always e' one there for me to pick me up when i fall. I'll nvr let you get hurt and protect you at all cost bcos' it pains me to see you cry always. I'm super thankful for god that send me down of being your daughter. Next life, I'll still want to be your daughter. One day, I'll do you proud just for your sake i promise. Till death do us part. I love you mummy!

Daddy:

Hello Dad! Thank you for e' MacBook Pro! You're always absent on my bday'. I can only see you not more en' 3mths a year! Thank you for working so hard and overcoming so many things just to give us a better life. Please take a break sometimes. Always nvr fail to pamper me and get me everything I want within your ability. Till death do us part. 

Uncle:

Hello Yi Zhang! Thank you for preparing all e' dishes on my bday getting up early in e' morning. Appreciates*

To all my relatives:

Thank you all for e' red packets! I LOVE YOU ALL!

So lazy to type alrdy. I can fxcking camp infront of my comp to patiently upload each pic and type essays in e' past. I think i'm too old for all these now.. Aft this post, there'll be no more updates! 

BIG THANK-YOU FOR ALL!

[Some of you are not in e' pic! );]

All e' other pics are in my fb. Let those pictures do e' talkings alright?! Toodles!

- My bday' wouldn't be complete w/o y'all ;D

I'm sorry. I felt e' love we had is fading. Thanks for giving me e' best like you've nvr done for anyone else. Thanks for treating me like a princess all e' time. Thanks for tolerating my super fxckedup attitude. Thanks for almost everything. & e' most grateful ever thanks is hurting me. You taught me a kind of independent nobody would have ever taught me. You made me fell. I fell hard on my own and pick up every pieces of my broken heart along with me when i stand. These broken pieces of shattered hearts, i carried em' wherever i go. Even till now.

14/1/11, e' day i went bonkers. You ruin my life. Left me with no friends. I'll never ever forget this fxcking day. Maybe you've forgotten all e' details on this particular day cos' it's too insignificant to you. Till now, whenever i recalled e' scene i felt like i'm e' world's dumbest girl on earth. I can really nvr forget this day even on my deathbed. I hated you. I fxcking abhor you till now whenever i thought of it. You'll never know how it felt till you were me. Thanks to you i'm left with no friends to turn to. I wished you would die. I've nvr hated anyone i love so fxcking deep before.

We just can't work things out. You'll never be e' right one. Sorry.

I thought you'll be e' first guy who proved to me that not all guys are e' same. But rly what you've proven to me is that ey're rly all e' same. Love can make you happy but oftentime it hurts. But love is only special when you give it to who it's worth. R/s are like glass sometimes is better to leave it broken en' to try to hurt yourself to fix it back. There're things that we dn't want to happen but have to accept, things we dn't want to know but have to learn. & ppl we can't live w/o but have to let go. Dn't ever give up if you still wna try. Dn't ever wipe your tears if you still wna cry. Dn't ever settle for an ans if you still want to know. & dn't ever say you dn't love him if you can't let him go.

You said you dsn't want to see me get hurt, so does that mean you closed your eyes when i cried? Oftentimes we said goodbye to e' person we love w/o wanting to. Thou that dsn't mean we've stopped loving em' or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful say to say i love you. Someday you'll cry for me like i've cried for you. Someday you'll miss me like how i missed you. Someday you'll need me like i needed you. Someday you'll love me like how i crazily loved you, but i wont love you. Cos I'm tired of fighting like hell. Moving on is simple, its what you've left behind makes it diff. Letting go isn't about giving up is accepting that there are things that cnt be. There're things in life we didn't wna let go of ppl we didn't want to leave behind. Dn't hold on to smth too long that's nvr meant. Sometimes we need to set things free befr it hurts us badly.

Dn't try to understand everything that is happening. Sometimes it is not meant to be understood but rather to be accepted thou ppl always said ' Everything happens for a reason ' Do you knw what's hard about being strong? Is that nobody cares to ask if you're hurt. Staying w someone you can't be tgt for alot of reason is like staying under e' rain. It's gna make you sick. It's nt by doubting a person that make things hurt you but to find out your doubt was true. We dn't have to rush things. Cos if something is rly meant for you, even if somebody owns it now, someday you'll own that too. What is hard in being alone is not sadness or fear, but its e' fact that billions of ppl in e' world, no one even cares. E' reason why isit hard to be happy is cos we find it hard to let go of e' things that made us sad.

Ppl stereotype, ppl judged, ppl criticises. But none i care. Why isit affecting me much? My ego became more unbearable each day. I rly dn't care what other ppl say about me. Cos' what ey've said i've done that twice to em'. So it's okay. But if ppl dsn't want to see us tgt, i rly dk how do i've to ignore it. Srsly it hurts. It's nvr easy being me. I dn't have everything in complete. Ppl dn't understand me at all. It's so tormenting to act like its okay but it's killing me inside. Yah idk how to i've to ignore it cos' you dnt even bother about this r/s, i assumed. If you were to hold me telling me everything is okay as long as you're there for me. I've no assurance. All you gave me was doubts. You were nvr there.

I changed at that point of time i knew ugly stuffs ppl said. But i dn't rly give a damn. Cos' love is bullshit. But ppl dk what you did to me & made me turned into a fxckedup 'bitch'. Why? Does anyone knw how you treated me back en'?

If no one wants to see us tgt, why are we still tgt? I mean why am i still fighting like hell to keep this r/s gg on if you dn't even give a damn. If you care, i dn't mind about fighting like hell for you. Why shld i? I'm tired of loving, waiting assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry & hurting.

I'm left w nothing? I dn't mind you restrict everything of me. It's okay if you dn't let me say hi when i see my friends on street. I dn't mind you asking me not to reply my friend's text. I dn't mind everything you restrict me. BUT WHY ARE YOU DOING ALL E' THINGS YOU RESTRICT ME YET I CAN'T EVEN DO A SINGLE SHIT?! WHY?! You've got your friends those that dsn't wants to see us tgt, you're nvr left w nth. There's no one i can ever turn to? You chased my friends away, those that were always being there for me when you forsake me. I wonder where we will go.

I'm tired, tired of loving you. I can't even voice anything out..

Please .. stop torturing me. I'm afraid of loving you. I dn't meant to doubt you getting all freaked out when your fone rings. But it's e' past that turned me into this way. Can you stop lying to me? Can you stop ' can't get enough of girls ? ' I'm rly tired. Idk how long more do i have to hold on.. Please. Stop.

Why no one understands? No one understands why i've turned into this. I miss me. I miss e' me befr i've met you. I lost everything. You were nvr there to hear me out...

Kind of miss those hardcore partying life w all my girls & friends out there. Cutting down so much aft i've gotten back w him. Those periods of dramas when we're drunk in a group. Slaps forehead* WE'RE FXCKING NOISY! It's damn funnnnnnnn. I miss it! );

Something brought me here. My insomnia. Like wtheck am i doing in blogger at 5.39am? This feeling is shitty i swear. Like srsly?! I've to be up on 9 ltr. I'll get slaughtered if i'm not able to get up. Someone help me to get asleep pleaseeeeee. My cig is being so nice to be my companion at this hr oh yea plus my ipad. Nicest souls i swear for this moment ohnleee.

Sorry for party rocking .. Peeeeektures! I miss my girls. I miss Dor, fy, sw & junjun ); So sorry for not being able to meet up often. We'll hit e' club one fine day tgt! I know you all miss my presence. Hahahahaha!












I srsly need a haircut tmr. Shit! BYE.

This is crazy. Can you believe I'm having insomnia right now when I'm supposed to be deprived of sleep?! I've nth to blog. Nth to say. But boredom brought me back to my memory lane. I'm on his bed w him beside me sleeping soundly. Just 2 more mths to my bday'. I dnt wanna grow up ); I miss my childhood. Ey're e' best memory I've ever had. W all my wonderful friends that I've grew up w. Just wish for one more time for time to turn back. It's impossible. Would I ever want to land myself over here? I doubt so.

My life is fxcked. Fxcked!

I knew my next love life would be better, sweeter. Cos i believe in karma. (;
Watch your back dude. Hurt me once, karma would kill you twice.

Dn't talk about marriage to me. Cos' we'll nvr last. You can't handle me at my worst you dn't deserve me at my best. You screwed my trust. F-U-C-K you!

I'm leaving, & this time i'm nt turning back. It's time to find someone who can treat me right (;

I&apos;ve no time for games.

A.venue Bistro.

My blog is fxcking dead. My life is in a mess. I'm updating for e' sake of memories for myself. Hoping few years down e' road i'll be flipping back e' archives of my blog knowing what i've been doing for all these while. Being single is good but sometimes lacking love. Lacking of someone to reprimand me when i get home late & being there for me. I wanna fall in love again, all over again. But i just can't find e' right guy. Countless of guys now. But none are my cup of tea. I wanna meet a cute guy. A real cute one. He just have to be cute & nth else. I love guys w hoodies on. Guys w a kiddy look but yet he's matured in e' inside. Can i like meet one soon? Haha. I'm just kidn'. I dn't think i'll ever fall in love. When i really fall in love i'm gonna make him e' one. E' one that we'll last for a lifetime.

What have i become? I'm running against time. Time just flies. I'm gonna be 20 in few mths time. Too fast. If only time could rewind. I'll choose guys wisely. & it'll not lead me till who i am today. If only i didn't met em', maybe i'm much more happier. Damn. Isit true that everyone just live once? Is there smth like e' next life?

I just dn't understand guys. He's e' one that made me so confused. It's still him. It's still 100210. FML. All our promises, all our future, all our sweet talks went down e' drain. One day he'll understand if he met one like how i'm feeling when he's walking my mile. All e' best.

I shld stop my party life soon. I'm partying crazy every week w/o fail. It's just everyweek. Is this e' life i wanted? Or back to those torturing period? Where i rushed back to his crib everyday aft work & rushing out from his hse to work. Having him by my side yet he's heart is on somewhere else? Both lives are tired. What do i want actually? Just someone whom love me wholeheartedly & isn't afraid to show e' world how much he loves me. Snuggling under e' blanket w sweet talks etc. Isit so hard? I'm nvr contented, all humans too.

I'm tired. So tired of my fxcking life. But i'm glad i've friends whom have my back all e' while. Thanks. But i'm still tired. When can i have my happily ever after? Reminiscing sweet moments. But ey' nvr lasts.

Oh ya & marché w him. Guess it'll be e' last meal. Haha. I rmbred e' first dining in marché w him we were both so broke yet he still make e' effort to fork out & brought me there w all my terrible whinings. Thanks for e' sweet (; you're e' best I nvr had.

For all e' memories. For all e' tears. For all e' fights. For all e' laughters. For all e' risk. For all e' sacrifices. For all e' wounds. For all of what we've given each other. Finally it came to a halt. Thanks for being there. 100210.

I miss us sometimes. But it's e' not same misses anymore. I miss who you used to be. Dn't ever say sorry to me cos' it's like throwing a second insult on my face. You dn't need me actually. Maybe you're just afraid of being alone. W/o me being there to sleep by your side. Waking you up in e' morning. Cooked for you when you're hungry. Shopped w you giving you giving all e' comments & critics. Create a din in your room. Messing up every part of your room. I love e' way you are.

Thank you. Lewis Lim. For making me grow. For making me overcome every obstacles that i've came across independently. & deal w all e' tears everynight by myself.. That's when i realized i dn't have to rely on you. Cos' i can definitely handle myself. You were nvr there to catch me when i fall. I picked myself up thanks to you.

I left you, e' reason will nvr be i stopped loving you. I love you too much to let you go. Thanks for all e' memories.

& fml. All e' videos in my fone. We played crazily tgt. That's e' best part.

Go on w your life. Find a girl that could replace me. That could love you in a million ways. You deserve someone better. I dn't blame you for treating me like this. I've got only myself to blame. Maybe i just didn't play my part well as your girl. We'll be e' best of friends. (;

I heard stories about you. Everyday i'm listening to e' song of e' drama we watched tgt in your room. It's playing every single day in e' fm. Did you even realized both of e' chi songs i'll remind of us are both from e' drama we first watched when we're tgt & e' other one is e' last we caught tgt? Why am i moving on? Why did i moved on so fast? No guys helped me to move on. You're still e' last i love. There's none other in my heart now. You know how cruel you are? I re read your texts sent by you. How cruel can you be to me? I feel like i'm a pathetic piece of crap! You left no living road for me to walk. How many times you've given me up so fxcking easily? How many times did you asked me to move on? I've gt no other choice left. I've nvr once given up on you when you asked me to. Till e' last time.. You left me w no fxcking choice. How many umpteem times i begged you back to me? You didn't even give a hoot to me. Coincidentally idk why i pressed till your texts. I reread e' one you sent to me w emoji like how i oftenly sent to you during those torturing period. I felt so silly & even wanna cry. Cos' i won't ever get a fxcking more en' 10 words from you. All you replied was ' siao ah? lol ' & no more. Ever felt how disappointed i felt at that point of time? I swear i typed w all my heart trying to make your day. But somehow you dn't need all these. It's just one sided.

My 19 yrs of life. You were my favorite hello & hardest goodbye. I'vr nvr waited for someone. Knew how i lived my everyday w fears in your house? Even how tired i am i'll still get up early thou i still have 2 more hrs to sleep befr gg work. But i still endure everything for e' sake of being w you. Everytime when you're in your room, aft i showered. I dn't dare to open your fxcking room's door softly. I deliberately make loud noises turn e' knob loudly to let you notice i'm coming in so you could stop your craps or flirting viewing girl's pic in your comp. Dn't even dare to fetch you right on your sch entrance just fearing you might not want anyone to see me. Dn't even dare to glimpse on your fone each time it rings. Rmbr i always acc you to walk to e' bustop & whe you board e' bus i'll go. But you're meeting your classmate there so i walked e' other way in case you dsn't want him to see me. I rather you deceive me rather en' letting me knw e' truth. Cos' i knw i'll breakdown. & to you when i cry it's irritating. My tears wet your pillow every alternate days. I always cry asking myself why did you do these to me? E' guy i love. I've nvr question any doubts on who's right or wrong but e' only thing i care is whether isit worth it or not. I'll tell myself everythings gonna be worth it in e' end. I dn't care how many girls you flirt how many girls you meet but e' only thing i care is whether will you be back to me.

I thot i could change you. I can't. I'm fxcking useless. Rmbr each tears you made me roll down my cheeks. It's every lie you lied. But i still lied to myself you didn't. Ever know how tormenting it could feel? Can't you see how much effort i made to change myself cos' of you? You endlessly got me for granted & hurt me countlessly. You made me fall for you by those sweetest words you nvr meant. Where have all those promises gone to? You played w fire time aft time. Tell me? How to get back to you thou times i think about you when some scenes & songs reminded me of you. You wouldn't want me to do back those 7mths to you. Cos' if i treat you e' way you treated me you'll hate me. All i knw is for all e' guys that came across me now i'll let em' taste e' way how you got me. Idk what's love anymore. All i know is how you got me becoming a player. Influencing my friends just to screw e' guys feelings up. All thanks to you.

Stop saying i've moved. Cos' e' one that move on first was you. It was nvr me. All those emoji texts i typed you restored your fone w/o even giving a damn of saving it down. My efforts just went down e' drain. You left me so unappreciated. You used to be e' first reason i smiled every morning but for e' torturing period you're e' reason behind each tear i cried at night.

I moved on not bcos' of stopped loving you. You left me w no fxcking choice. It's e' only way i've to walk. Dn't worry i wouldn't get myself any bf. Cos' it's e' player game starts now.