My life now...

Idk how shld I put those words in. It's like you've been doing smth for everyday and you're so sick of e' routine you wished it could get better but no matter how hard you try it just gets to no avail. No matter how tired I complained or rant I just continue to do it wished it could get better some day. Was it just my wishful thinking or am I too naive to believe someone will change? Just realized everything I've done was in vain. Why isit so hard to get happiness? Everything I've encountered in my life towards happiness was obstructed by obstacles. I find it so hard to salvage this damn thing when I'm e' only one who's making e' effort. Why would someone tells me he loves me when he's burying himself in e' past? Why would someone tells me he loves me when he continuously makes me cry? Hurts me w harsh words? What I've deserved you've alrdy given me. You shld have done w all those revenge and paybacks. I dnt owe you a living. I'm just someone w feelings. Why can't you understand all these shit stuffs you've made me undergo? It's enough I guess. Stop torturing me. It's fxcking pain. Fxcking tormenting. Yes I was wrong in e' past but over e' times i've realized all my mistakes. I've changed so much to fit into you everything in details. Trying to accomodate my timings into yours. Done everything I could. But it was nvr enough. I dnt think e' only reason was you not forgetting e' past. Was it just an excuse? Even everything you've done behind my back I could give up my pride to forgive you. As long you come back. I can ignore those things you did I could love you over again w/o raking up anything in e' past. I knew things outside you did but as long it dsn't comes into my ear I can pretend so well for our happy ending. Why can't you? Those words you said to me slit over my heart. It's excruciating pain. You're not me you won't understand. I'm so dumb to even tell myself, it's okay for all e' hurts you've given me. It's okay how many girls you had outside. I keep telling myself it's okay it's okay! As long you've played finish you knw your way back it's OKAY?! But this is not e' way! You said you won't come back anymore. I'm tired of asking you to be back. & yet e' next moment you told me we won't knw what's gonna happen in e' future? So what now? Are you dragging my time? Or you're just used of it that i'm always by your side? When you've found someone new you'll just throw me aside?

I dn't even dare to fxcking go outside your sch to fetch you cos' i'm afraid you dn't want ppl to see us tgt. You walked so far away from me as thou you dk me. There's once you dn't even want to let your classmate see us tgt in e' morning i've e' walk e' other way to avoid. Everytime you'll walk w me till you meet till your friends yet that day? Lol. I tried to make all e' times just to be w you. But you dn't even make any effort. I dn't even like studying. But bcos' of you i went to register for e' damn course. You told me you're studying alone, i just wanted to acc you. Yes i knw it's diff course. But you dn't even seems to want me to enroll for e' same course as you. So instead i went to register e' other courses. I was so upset when it's diff venue but yet you've got that smile on your face. End up someone told me you're studying w your friends. & you wanted was revenge. I did something unintentionally & you just wanted to do it back to me 10x more worst. You went to e' club took pictures w girls. Touched e' girl in e' cab. Text w girls when i'm beside you, i've to act like nth happen. Lol? I hvn't been sleeping at home all these while just to be w you. Maybe it was my fault, i'm too stupid? If you still wanna continue play, flirt ard or what. Can you just tell me? Stop making me whirling in a dilemma. I dn't play mind games. Idk what's gonna happen next. Idk what text i'll get from you next. I can't handle all these heartaches. Maybe it's time for me to get away from you. Cos' there will nvr be an ending. I dn't need any part time ppl in my life. You dn't come & go as you like. I dn't have that many friends like you. Idk who to turn to everytime you gave me sudden attacks. I'm not like you, text me say dn't contact yet e' next day club w you friends. I dn't even want to ask you things to knw e' truth. I rather you lie to me en' to hurt me w e' truth. Stop torturing me.

I dnt think I shld wait for something impossible to happen anymore. I give up.

You say, that you've always been true. Looking in your eyes, I see you lie. You're trying hard to hide that. There someone new you found and, you want me to believe that you still care. How can you hurt me this way. Everything I knew was loving you. How could you try pretending. Your love was never ending. Now you can't even say that you will stay. How could you say you love me. When you would go and leave me. How could you make me hurt so bad. When I have loved you more than anyone can do. Can't believe the pain. That I'm feeling now because of loving. I can't seem to understand. How can love me so unkind. Still you broke my heart. Despite what I've done Still my love was not enough. Though I given you my all..

As long as you're happy i dn't mind. If you still want to contact me we'll still be contacting. If you dn't want me anymore. I'll just go. I'm so tired of fighting.

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