Always my hero.

16/12/14, I nvr thought this day would come. E' day we never knew when will we get to see you again. This time, I'm really scared. Really really scared. I've never been so afraid to lose you till this day.

How could you deserve all these? I miss you. So much.

We went to the place where we are all so near yet so far from you. These period, all the hardship you're gg thru which you DO NOT deserve aches me so much. All your hardwork, the whole empire you've build with your bare hands just tarnished by that one douchebag who framed you. I wish he/she will never have a peaceful death.

I'm so proud of you. So proud of everything you did and build by yourself. Because I know I will never have that ability to do all these even we run the same blood. You're my hero, e' one whom I respected all these while as e' man.

I feel so useless because I couldn't do anything for you but pray. I wanted to help, but idk how.. I feel so helpless. Everyday I just can't stop thinking of your day spent in e' HELL.

I never ever thought you would end up in this state. Never get to see you, never get to hear your voice.. You're never afraid of anything, you always stand up for me when I'm being bullied. I want to stand up for you so badly now. But I couldn't do a single penny. But I know you're afraid now over there. Because I've never seen your face like this ever before on e' vid.

Never goes by a day we stop missing you. Please be strong my hero. We are all here for you never will we forsake you. Because I'm so fxcking proud of your everything. Fxcking proud.. i pray you'll never get hurt, never suffer. Because you really dn't deserve all this shit. You're e' nicest man I ever knew. Bcos' you're my hero. I miss you so much.. as well as my heart aches so much so much.. I hope you're really fine wherever you're. Please be safe, for yourself and for our sake. I beg.

7 years ago. 22 07 07

It's been a long time. 2207 (:

I dn't know will you ever read this.. I might be stupid thinking you'll be reading this. I hope you still do read.

I heard about you. I hope you're happy now. Way happier than I am.

Thank you for all the unconditional love, the unconditional action towards me. Grateful. Truly grateful. I nvr ever once dared to forget how you treat me. I am a princess! Haha. Other en' T H A N K Y O U, idk what else to say. It's been 7 years, we've grown up. Grown so much.. I wonder if I didn't choose this road, where will I be?

I know you hate me. Hate my everything. I'm sorry, I disappoint you so much. I didn't want all these to happen.

I just want to let you know, I didn't forget you. Didn't forget they way you treated me. You'll always be the one i cared. Although we're not tgt anymore, you still have a place in my heart, always. I'll still cry for you when something bad happens to you, I'll still get angry when someone says about you. I'll still defend for you. Bcos' I owe you too much..

The road we've walked tgt, thru, .. it may be a different or difficult path. If we're fated our paths will still meet again one day.

I wish you all the best, I hope all the best for you. If i could give you my lifetime happiness in exchange for your happiness, I WOULD!

I am so fortunate. To have met you.

I'll always be there. Always the star above you when you need someone (;

Thank you. S.c.h

You Don't Know Me, Until You Realize...

1) I get super offended when people 'ACCUSE' me. SUPER SUPER OFFENDED.
2) I hate people who step on my slipper.
3) I'm never punctual, only for boarding my flight.
4) I'm anti-social, I will nvr say 'Hi' or smile to a stranger till ey' make e' first move, but I'm super crazy when I'm w my own friends or until you've known me.
5) I treat my bestfriends/goodfriends differently on a super bias way compared to how i treat my normal friends.
6) I can only sleep when there's an air-con.
7) I smoke alot.
8) I've to straighten my hair before leaving e' house, it's a MUST. I can go out w/o makeup but not w/o straightening my hair.
9) When I hate someone, I'll hate forever bcos' I am super revengeful & I hold grudges.
10) Super obsessed with fairytales, but never believe in 'Happily ever after' in real life.
11) I have a ultimate super bad temper.

This is me.

Boredom brought me here. I've neglected this space for mths, cos' I dn't think there's any need to rant anymore. All e' life experiences literally changed me, my thinking and e' treatment I gave to everyone ard me even my love ones. When e' late night creeps in and insomnia kicks in, I'll be pondering so much about my life. I hate this.

Just wondering, if i took another path where would i be now? It's Sun 5:37am. I prolly would drop dead on my bed w alcohol all over me. Since it's a 'MUST PARTY' on weekends. I stopped all e' non-stop party nights and i'm glad. Cos' my life would be so darn messy still. Alcohol just makes insomnia buzz off and all i could ask for is just sleep w/o wild thoughts.

Something changed me. E' main reason would be 'PEOPLE' (from my past) It's based on life experiences. I learnt to care less, and use my heart less. So, i wouldn't fall so hard. All e' things i did, i'm not doing it anymore right now. I hate this. It changed me to such a boring person I am now. I talk so much lesser to my boy compared to my past. I used to be e' craziest/sweetest girl among my past, what e' hell happened NOW?! Sub consciously, i've been telling myself there's not a need to treat anyone in your best when ey're not even putting effort on giving you their 100%. No one will appreciate you. This is bad. But e' good thing is, I dn't get hurt so easily. I'm just a girl, who is trying to protect my heart or even myself to prevent getting hurt from all e' unnecessary. Smth is telling me, it's enough. It's enough of ripping my heart into pieces. It's so effing pain. All e' broken pieces aren't back, and it'll NEVER be back. I miss me, i miss who I am in e' past. Now.. I build my walls so high not to let anyone in. Bcos' all i knw is, no one can be trusted. When i gave my all, all ey' did is to betray my trust time after time.

I thought i had all e' answers, i thought i didn't play my part well. I gave em' my best, I could even take a bullet for em'. But from what I've concluded is, I'm never good enough.. Everywhere I go i get so confused. I still can't put my guard down, till this day..

I just feel so lost. I dk what i want in my life anymore. I learnt, if there's any breakup now, i wouldn't starve myself, i wouldn't do stupid things anymore to get anyone back. And I wouldn't CRY myself to sleep anymore. Bcos' i feel so stupid. On e' other note, I've to thank those people who ripped me inside/out. Ey're e' ones who made me who I am today, stronger en' i thought I would NEVER be.

I need someone to open me out, turned me back to who I am in e' past. Someone to make me believe that love is beautiful, not a land of just tears.. And, someone who could gimme his best befr i could give my all. I need all my shattered pieces to be back in a picture. But I know, I can't never find this someone... And i know it'll take forever to form my picture back again. Almost impossible.

I just feel, there's no need to love.. It's made up of lies. Why is there a need to cheat?

I hate myself. I'm not even happy in a bit.

I'm stubborn, i'm anti-social, i hate to talk, i put a guard, i dn't trust anyone, this is me.

No one knows what I've been thru. Dn't judge till you've walked a mile in my shoes.. Till then.

LIES.

I'm not even worth e' truth. It's always like this.. Haha I feel like a complete idiot and laughing stock.
It's okay. I'm used to it.

Heartfelt. X

Dear Grand Aunt,

We hope you're happier now. Finally you're free from all e' pain, in e' safe hands of god now. All e' sufferings you had befr finally came to a halt. No matter where you're, you'll be deeply missed. X

She's e' greatest grand aunt I've ever seen. This is why I'm so upset and my heart aches so much seeing her suffer in this way. She have got e' greatest heart. Always putting herself on last and helping everyone thru their hardest times. But she always, forget about herself.

Thruout all these years, she has been taking care of my G.grandma and my G.uncle. She nvr once complained about e' hard times she went thru. She sacrifices everything for her family. This is not a easy task at all.

10 out of 10 ppl can't stop saying how good she were etc. So, why does someone like this have to end up in this way? If you wanna take her away at least dn't make her suffer. What have she done to deserve all these treatment? It's so fxcking unfair. Kindness does not begets kindness at all. it's all fxcking bullshit. We thought aft G.grandma leave, she could finally rest yet few mths ltr she's diagnosed w liver cancer. What's worst about this cancer is, you can't inject LA to relieve e' pain when you're doing chemo. Ey'll just penetrate a metal rod thru your stomach into your liver and burnt e' content while you're wide awake. It's horrendous, i swear. E' pain is fxcking unbearable. For these 5mths, she had 2 pipes on her body and whenever she needs to change and clean e' pipe, she'll be infected and her fever is so constant till she have to be in e' insolation ward.

My grandpa been thru this before too. E' most regretful thingy till now, is my grandpa death. I know time machine dsn't exist. But if it rly do exist, I want him to come back to us.. I always had no time for him, always not present even he's alrdy so sick on e' hosp bed. When he told my mum he wanna see me. I miss him so much, even till now. Whenever I see his pic, i'll still tear. Idk why..

Ey're all my family, our r/s are all so damn ultimate close. I love em' and e' feeling is so fxcktup seeing em' leaving me one by one. I know this is life.. At least dn't make em' suffer so much in this way. If i could shorten my life for em', i dn't care be it how many years i dn't mind..

I miss em'. Now their gone, no matter where ey' are, I hope ey'll be happier. Idk how to go on writing, i can't stop tearing, I hate this feeling.

The 21st Princess.

Hello dearest friends, xx

E' reason for blogging this on my dead blog is cos' I'm too lazy to whatsapp y'all one by one. So I'll just chunk everything up on this lil' space of mine. And another reason is to reminiscence if i were to flip back my archives back to my memory lane.

I wna say a big 'THANKYOU' to all you who made e' effort to come down and create this unforgettable memories on this special day of yours truly. T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U-!

Andddddd.. Thanky'all for no birthday cake for e' first time celebration ever ); (Hahaha) It's okay i dn't mind!

Lil' things could make me contented.. So I'm grateful for having each of you in my life! It's not about e' gifts, but e' thoughts that count.

Bestest thing that ever happened to me..

Fang Ying:

Hello Bestie! Thanks for working so hard just to earn and get me my fav bag. It isn't cheap at all and it pains me to see you working extra job ); So so so touched! And you made me teared! Thanks for being e' pillar of my strength whenever i encounter obstacles or whenever I'm upset. You'll come to my house and sleep w me fearing I might cry myself to bed. For all that you've done, I'll rmbr. And I'll use all of all i can to shield you from troubles nvr letting you getting hurt. Bcos' when ey're hurting you, ey'll be facing me. Although you're annoying at times, I still love you and I'm thankful for your presence. Nothing else matters, but only you. Still e' same, even if e' whole world goes against you, I'll still be there to back you up. <3 deep.="" div="" you="">

Shu Wen:

Hello girl! I've to thank you so much for cracking your brains and brainstorming w me whenever I'm having a headache for planning my bday'. Your nvr-ending consoling always made my day. Although my bday' became your bday' but I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hehe. Super thankful for you! You're e' one who is always assuring me making my bday' complete. Friends forever! LOLOL. <3 div="" you="">

Esther:

Hello Sis! 11years and counting.. Thank you for making your way down to my bday' even if your bf dsn't allow and coming down made you quarrelled w him or even when you dn't drink at all. I'm sorry ); Tysm for being here w me. Always loving you my good sister!

Ah Hoong:

Hello Korkor. Thankyou for e' Celine bag. E' most exp present I've ever received ); Heartpain* Thank you for all that you've done for me be it 7years back or even till now. 7years back you were always there for me, 7 years ltr it's still e' same although we're apart. For all e' things you've done for me, I'll always rmbr. You're always e' first nvr fail to shield me, stand up for me, protect me at all cost. When ppl are saying things behind my back, you're always e' first to shut em' up and scold em'. No one will ever do these to me.. not even a bf of mine. Appreciates* Thank you for pampering me like a princess and giving me e' best that you could. Most importantly loving my family like their your own. E' things you've done for me is too much. Although you always say you wna repay me for what you did to me in e' past, you've done it more en' over. Thank you!

Tze Jun:

Hello Lil' boy! I'm so thankful for you having to chip in on my bday' present! Super hearts you! & i miss how we always meet up so often in e' past doing stupid things tgt ); It's so different now. & thank you for always being e' first to rush down to me whenever i called you crying. Always my lil' boy. <3 chu="" div="">

Yan Fen:

Hello darling! Thank you for making your way down still although your car died halfway in e' expressway when otw to my bday'! Super appreciate it. Thank you! <3 div="" s="">

Wei Chye:

Hello Uncle! Thank you for coming down when you can't make outgg calls on your fone feeling like a handicapped unable to reach me when you're at vivO and not knowing anyone on my bday'. I totally feel you. Hen gan dong you mei you. Sorry if my bday' bore you out! Thank you, appreciates*

Dest, Zhicai, Benny:

Hello bros! Thank you for your presence! & making your way down to my celebration (; Truly appreciate it. & Zc, thank you for taking pic w me when you shocked everyone out cos you always hated to take pic. Hehe. Dest, Korkor thankyou for being so steady and my tanker of e' day! Benny, ty for not even hesitating to come down for my bday' when i invited you. Thank y'all!

Ah Bong:

Hello Ice Cream! Thank you for your effort. Totally worn out aft work still made your way down even for that 'just awhile.' Touched* & you're always there to help me when I'm facing difficulties, always sending me home whenever I'm drunk! Thank you!

Jav:

Hello friend! Thank you for e' '21st' balloon. It rly surprised me when you came w tt balloon hanging at e' back of your car. I've nvr gotten this kind of surprise befr! & also helping me to book e' tables over there. For all that you've done, thankyou.

Justin:

For all e' efforts you've made, thank you so much! E' surprises that caught me off guard, no one elses did these to me befr! So effing sweet can?! I feel like I'm living in a drama. You're e' one who saw me grow from 20th to my 21st! Lol! I spent my last few hours of 20th w you know?! Anddddd e' happiest thing is that you finally brought me back to my fav restaurant to dine on my bday'! Thank you also for forking out time for me almost everyday. My best ever bday' is having you w me. Hehehe. I rly rly rly appreciate it deep down. <3 div="" nbsp="" s="">

----------------------------------

[Gems of my life.]

Mummy: 

Hello Mi! Thank you for buying me a bday' cake for e' 1st ever time in my entire 21years of life, so sad T.T To me, you're my world's bestest woman in my life. W/o you there'll nvr be who I am of today. I'm sorry for my princess attitude and foul temper always ); You are always e' one there for me to pick me up when i fall. I'll nvr let you get hurt and protect you at all cost bcos' it pains me to see you cry always. I'm super thankful for god that send me down of being your daughter. Next life, I'll still want to be your daughter. One day, I'll do you proud just for your sake i promise. Till death do us part. I love you mummy!

Daddy:

Hello Dad! Thank you for e' MacBook Pro! You're always absent on my bday'. I can only see you not more en' 3mths a year! Thank you for working so hard and overcoming so many things just to give us a better life. Please take a break sometimes. Always nvr fail to pamper me and get me everything I want within your ability. Till death do us part. 

Uncle:

Hello Yi Zhang! Thank you for preparing all e' dishes on my bday getting up early in e' morning. Appreciates*

To all my relatives:

Thank you all for e' red packets! I LOVE YOU ALL!

So lazy to type alrdy. I can fxcking camp infront of my comp to patiently upload each pic and type essays in e' past. I think i'm too old for all these now.. Aft this post, there'll be no more updates! 

BIG THANK-YOU FOR ALL!

[Some of you are not in e' pic! );]

All e' other pics are in my fb. Let those pictures do e' talkings alright?! Toodles!

- My bday' wouldn't be complete w/o y'all ;D

I'm sorry. I felt e' love we had is fading. Thanks for giving me e' best like you've nvr done for anyone else. Thanks for treating me like a princess all e' time. Thanks for tolerating my super fxckedup attitude. Thanks for almost everything. & e' most grateful ever thanks is hurting me. You taught me a kind of independent nobody would have ever taught me. You made me fell. I fell hard on my own and pick up every pieces of my broken heart along with me when i stand. These broken pieces of shattered hearts, i carried em' wherever i go. Even till now.

14/1/11, e' day i went bonkers. You ruin my life. Left me with no friends. I'll never ever forget this fxcking day. Maybe you've forgotten all e' details on this particular day cos' it's too insignificant to you. Till now, whenever i recalled e' scene i felt like i'm e' world's dumbest girl on earth. I can really nvr forget this day even on my deathbed. I hated you. I fxcking abhor you till now whenever i thought of it. You'll never know how it felt till you were me. Thanks to you i'm left with no friends to turn to. I wished you would die. I've nvr hated anyone i love so fxcking deep before.

We just can't work things out. You'll never be e' right one. Sorry.

I thought you'll be e' first guy who proved to me that not all guys are e' same. But rly what you've proven to me is that ey're rly all e' same. Love can make you happy but oftentime it hurts. But love is only special when you give it to who it's worth. R/s are like glass sometimes is better to leave it broken en' to try to hurt yourself to fix it back. There're things that we dn't want to happen but have to accept, things we dn't want to know but have to learn. & ppl we can't live w/o but have to let go. Dn't ever give up if you still wna try. Dn't ever wipe your tears if you still wna cry. Dn't ever settle for an ans if you still want to know. & dn't ever say you dn't love him if you can't let him go.

You said you dsn't want to see me get hurt, so does that mean you closed your eyes when i cried? Oftentimes we said goodbye to e' person we love w/o wanting to. Thou that dsn't mean we've stopped loving em' or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful say to say i love you. Someday you'll cry for me like i've cried for you. Someday you'll miss me like how i missed you. Someday you'll need me like i needed you. Someday you'll love me like how i crazily loved you, but i wont love you. Cos I'm tired of fighting like hell. Moving on is simple, its what you've left behind makes it diff. Letting go isn't about giving up is accepting that there are things that cnt be. There're things in life we didn't wna let go of ppl we didn't want to leave behind. Dn't hold on to smth too long that's nvr meant. Sometimes we need to set things free befr it hurts us badly.

Dn't try to understand everything that is happening. Sometimes it is not meant to be understood but rather to be accepted thou ppl always said ' Everything happens for a reason ' Do you knw what's hard about being strong? Is that nobody cares to ask if you're hurt. Staying w someone you can't be tgt for alot of reason is like staying under e' rain. It's gna make you sick. It's nt by doubting a person that make things hurt you but to find out your doubt was true. We dn't have to rush things. Cos if something is rly meant for you, even if somebody owns it now, someday you'll own that too. What is hard in being alone is not sadness or fear, but its e' fact that billions of ppl in e' world, no one even cares. E' reason why isit hard to be happy is cos we find it hard to let go of e' things that made us sad.

Ppl stereotype, ppl judged, ppl criticises. But none i care. Why isit affecting me much? My ego became more unbearable each day. I rly dn't care what other ppl say about me. Cos' what ey've said i've done that twice to em'. So it's okay. But if ppl dsn't want to see us tgt, i rly dk how do i've to ignore it. Srsly it hurts. It's nvr easy being me. I dn't have everything in complete. Ppl dn't understand me at all. It's so tormenting to act like its okay but it's killing me inside. Yah idk how to i've to ignore it cos' you dnt even bother about this r/s, i assumed. If you were to hold me telling me everything is okay as long as you're there for me. I've no assurance. All you gave me was doubts. You were nvr there.

I changed at that point of time i knew ugly stuffs ppl said. But i dn't rly give a damn. Cos' love is bullshit. But ppl dk what you did to me & made me turned into a fxckedup 'bitch'. Why? Does anyone knw how you treated me back en'?

If no one wants to see us tgt, why are we still tgt? I mean why am i still fighting like hell to keep this r/s gg on if you dn't even give a damn. If you care, i dn't mind about fighting like hell for you. Why shld i? I'm tired of loving, waiting assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry & hurting.

I'm left w nothing? I dn't mind you restrict everything of me. It's okay if you dn't let me say hi when i see my friends on street. I dn't mind you asking me not to reply my friend's text. I dn't mind everything you restrict me. BUT WHY ARE YOU DOING ALL E' THINGS YOU RESTRICT ME YET I CAN'T EVEN DO A SINGLE SHIT?! WHY?! You've got your friends those that dsn't wants to see us tgt, you're nvr left w nth. There's no one i can ever turn to? You chased my friends away, those that were always being there for me when you forsake me. I wonder where we will go.

I'm tired, tired of loving you. I can't even voice anything out..

Please .. stop torturing me. I'm afraid of loving you. I dn't meant to doubt you getting all freaked out when your fone rings. But it's e' past that turned me into this way. Can you stop lying to me? Can you stop ' can't get enough of girls ? ' I'm rly tired. Idk how long more do i have to hold on.. Please. Stop.

Why no one understands? No one understands why i've turned into this. I miss me. I miss e' me befr i've met you. I lost everything. You were nvr there to hear me out...

Kind of miss those hardcore partying life w all my girls & friends out there. Cutting down so much aft i've gotten back w him. Those periods of dramas when we're drunk in a group. Slaps forehead* WE'RE FXCKING NOISY! It's damn funnnnnnnn. I miss it! );

Something brought me here. My insomnia. Like wtheck am i doing in blogger at 5.39am? This feeling is shitty i swear. Like srsly?! I've to be up on 9 ltr. I'll get slaughtered if i'm not able to get up. Someone help me to get asleep pleaseeeeee. My cig is being so nice to be my companion at this hr oh yea plus my ipad. Nicest souls i swear for this moment ohnleee.

Sorry for party rocking .. Peeeeektures! I miss my girls. I miss Dor, fy, sw & junjun ); So sorry for not being able to meet up often. We'll hit e' club one fine day tgt! I know you all miss my presence. Hahahahaha!












I srsly need a haircut tmr. Shit! BYE.

This is crazy. Can you believe I'm having insomnia right now when I'm supposed to be deprived of sleep?! I've nth to blog. Nth to say. But boredom brought me back to my memory lane. I'm on his bed w him beside me sleeping soundly. Just 2 more mths to my bday'. I dnt wanna grow up ); I miss my childhood. Ey're e' best memory I've ever had. W all my wonderful friends that I've grew up w. Just wish for one more time for time to turn back. It's impossible. Would I ever want to land myself over here? I doubt so.

My life is fxcked. Fxcked!

I knew my next love life would be better, sweeter. Cos i believe in karma. (;
Watch your back dude. Hurt me once, karma would kill you twice.

Dn't talk about marriage to me. Cos' we'll nvr last. You can't handle me at my worst you dn't deserve me at my best. You screwed my trust. F-U-C-K you!

I'm leaving, & this time i'm nt turning back. It's time to find someone who can treat me right (;

I&apos;ve no time for games.

A.venue Bistro.

My blog is fxcking dead. My life is in a mess. I'm updating for e' sake of memories for myself. Hoping few years down e' road i'll be flipping back e' archives of my blog knowing what i've been doing for all these while. Being single is good but sometimes lacking love. Lacking of someone to reprimand me when i get home late & being there for me. I wanna fall in love again, all over again. But i just can't find e' right guy. Countless of guys now. But none are my cup of tea. I wanna meet a cute guy. A real cute one. He just have to be cute & nth else. I love guys w hoodies on. Guys w a kiddy look but yet he's matured in e' inside. Can i like meet one soon? Haha. I'm just kidn'. I dn't think i'll ever fall in love. When i really fall in love i'm gonna make him e' one. E' one that we'll last for a lifetime.

What have i become? I'm running against time. Time just flies. I'm gonna be 20 in few mths time. Too fast. If only time could rewind. I'll choose guys wisely. & it'll not lead me till who i am today. If only i didn't met em', maybe i'm much more happier. Damn. Isit true that everyone just live once? Is there smth like e' next life?

I just dn't understand guys. He's e' one that made me so confused. It's still him. It's still 100210. FML. All our promises, all our future, all our sweet talks went down e' drain. One day he'll understand if he met one like how i'm feeling when he's walking my mile. All e' best.

I shld stop my party life soon. I'm partying crazy every week w/o fail. It's just everyweek. Is this e' life i wanted? Or back to those torturing period? Where i rushed back to his crib everyday aft work & rushing out from his hse to work. Having him by my side yet he's heart is on somewhere else? Both lives are tired. What do i want actually? Just someone whom love me wholeheartedly & isn't afraid to show e' world how much he loves me. Snuggling under e' blanket w sweet talks etc. Isit so hard? I'm nvr contented, all humans too.

I'm tired. So tired of my fxcking life. But i'm glad i've friends whom have my back all e' while. Thanks. But i'm still tired. When can i have my happily ever after? Reminiscing sweet moments. But ey' nvr lasts.

Oh ya & marché w him. Guess it'll be e' last meal. Haha. I rmbred e' first dining in marché w him we were both so broke yet he still make e' effort to fork out & brought me there w all my terrible whinings. Thanks for e' sweet (; you're e' best I nvr had.

For all e' memories. For all e' tears. For all e' fights. For all e' laughters. For all e' risk. For all e' sacrifices. For all e' wounds. For all of what we've given each other. Finally it came to a halt. Thanks for being there. 100210.

I miss us sometimes. But it's e' not same misses anymore. I miss who you used to be. Dn't ever say sorry to me cos' it's like throwing a second insult on my face. You dn't need me actually. Maybe you're just afraid of being alone. W/o me being there to sleep by your side. Waking you up in e' morning. Cooked for you when you're hungry. Shopped w you giving you giving all e' comments & critics. Create a din in your room. Messing up every part of your room. I love e' way you are.

Thank you. Lewis Lim. For making me grow. For making me overcome every obstacles that i've came across independently. & deal w all e' tears everynight by myself.. That's when i realized i dn't have to rely on you. Cos' i can definitely handle myself. You were nvr there to catch me when i fall. I picked myself up thanks to you.

I left you, e' reason will nvr be i stopped loving you. I love you too much to let you go. Thanks for all e' memories.

& fml. All e' videos in my fone. We played crazily tgt. That's e' best part.

Go on w your life. Find a girl that could replace me. That could love you in a million ways. You deserve someone better. I dn't blame you for treating me like this. I've got only myself to blame. Maybe i just didn't play my part well as your girl. We'll be e' best of friends. (;

I heard stories about you. Everyday i'm listening to e' song of e' drama we watched tgt in your room. It's playing every single day in e' fm. Did you even realized both of e' chi songs i'll remind of us are both from e' drama we first watched when we're tgt & e' other one is e' last we caught tgt? Why am i moving on? Why did i moved on so fast? No guys helped me to move on. You're still e' last i love. There's none other in my heart now. You know how cruel you are? I re read your texts sent by you. How cruel can you be to me? I feel like i'm a pathetic piece of crap! You left no living road for me to walk. How many times you've given me up so fxcking easily? How many times did you asked me to move on? I've gt no other choice left. I've nvr once given up on you when you asked me to. Till e' last time.. You left me w no fxcking choice. How many umpteem times i begged you back to me? You didn't even give a hoot to me. Coincidentally idk why i pressed till your texts. I reread e' one you sent to me w emoji like how i oftenly sent to you during those torturing period. I felt so silly & even wanna cry. Cos' i won't ever get a fxcking more en' 10 words from you. All you replied was ' siao ah? lol ' & no more. Ever felt how disappointed i felt at that point of time? I swear i typed w all my heart trying to make your day. But somehow you dn't need all these. It's just one sided.

My 19 yrs of life. You were my favorite hello & hardest goodbye. I'vr nvr waited for someone. Knew how i lived my everyday w fears in your house? Even how tired i am i'll still get up early thou i still have 2 more hrs to sleep befr gg work. But i still endure everything for e' sake of being w you. Everytime when you're in your room, aft i showered. I dn't dare to open your fxcking room's door softly. I deliberately make loud noises turn e' knob loudly to let you notice i'm coming in so you could stop your craps or flirting viewing girl's pic in your comp. Dn't even dare to fetch you right on your sch entrance just fearing you might not want anyone to see me. Dn't even dare to glimpse on your fone each time it rings. Rmbr i always acc you to walk to e' bustop & whe you board e' bus i'll go. But you're meeting your classmate there so i walked e' other way in case you dsn't want him to see me. I rather you deceive me rather en' letting me knw e' truth. Cos' i knw i'll breakdown. & to you when i cry it's irritating. My tears wet your pillow every alternate days. I always cry asking myself why did you do these to me? E' guy i love. I've nvr question any doubts on who's right or wrong but e' only thing i care is whether isit worth it or not. I'll tell myself everythings gonna be worth it in e' end. I dn't care how many girls you flirt how many girls you meet but e' only thing i care is whether will you be back to me.

I thot i could change you. I can't. I'm fxcking useless. Rmbr each tears you made me roll down my cheeks. It's every lie you lied. But i still lied to myself you didn't. Ever know how tormenting it could feel? Can't you see how much effort i made to change myself cos' of you? You endlessly got me for granted & hurt me countlessly. You made me fall for you by those sweetest words you nvr meant. Where have all those promises gone to? You played w fire time aft time. Tell me? How to get back to you thou times i think about you when some scenes & songs reminded me of you. You wouldn't want me to do back those 7mths to you. Cos' if i treat you e' way you treated me you'll hate me. All i knw is for all e' guys that came across me now i'll let em' taste e' way how you got me. Idk what's love anymore. All i know is how you got me becoming a player. Influencing my friends just to screw e' guys feelings up. All thanks to you.

Stop saying i've moved. Cos' e' one that move on first was you. It was nvr me. All those emoji texts i typed you restored your fone w/o even giving a damn of saving it down. My efforts just went down e' drain. You left me so unappreciated. You used to be e' first reason i smiled every morning but for e' torturing period you're e' reason behind each tear i cried at night.

I moved on not bcos' of stopped loving you. You left me w no fxcking choice. It's e' only way i've to walk. Dn't worry i wouldn't get myself any bf. Cos' it's e' player game starts now.

Hello Stranger.

I'm not trying to pick a fight nor to knock senses into stubborn people's head. It'll just get to no avail. Just trying to reason out & for what i care what's right or wrong. You rly made me regretted being w you. My thinking wasn't like this in e' first fxcking place. It used to be ' love you once love you still, i always have & i always will. ' Seems like i've implanted a fxcking enormous mistake in my life which is ever being w you. Unnecessary rumours & being stab from e' back from your fee u wee bros. Thanks ah. Ey' nvr will comprehend how does it feels to walk this mile. Hey i'm not blaming you. But for all e' things i've done i just felt so unworth. I used to think everything will be worth in e' end. Guess i was wrong. Entirely wrong. Well, it's okay. You got your bros on your back, i've gone mine too steadily. Vice versa. How much awful or ugly stuffs that's spouted from their mouth my friends did it way much more uglier en' em' to say about you. I tried e' soft way. But it just dsn't works. I used to tell myself ' if i dn't cb, ppl will also cb to me. So why not i cb? So i wouldn't get hurt? ' So i'll knn cb all e' way. You made me do these. Just pray hard none of you ever falls into this misery. Cos' if you did you'll fxcking understand. What's e' use of holding on to grudges? I dn't hate all of you. I dn't owe all of you a fxcking living. If you think i'm at fault. So be it. It has nvr ever been a issue in my life befr & it fxcking will nvr be. I'll walk my way but just dn't intrude into my affairs. What's e' point of blaming? If all of you are each other pillar of strength would it even fall apart? C'mon la. Have you ever think what are friends for? Knowing him/her mistakes but still have her back all e' way supporting her? Reprimand him/her first but still you got to side her all e' way! Cos' this is what are friends for! Knewing their flaws yet trying to be understanding cos' him/her is just born this way?

Find it such a joke. Actually it dsn't matter much to be anymore. Cos' i'm out of that fxcking life/world. Just passerby in my life. What for? I'm not getting affected cos' ey' aren't even my friends. I've got way much more better stuffs to look out for.

For e' person i love. I'll risk everything to be w him i dn't care how fxckup i was being said. It just dsn't matter. Cos' you're all that matters. But you're making a fool out of me. Making me risk all these obstacles so unworth & unappreciated. I'm glad you're out of my sight out of my world. Cos' w/o you i'm so much more way fxcking hell happier. Your presence just sucks. This hatred will go on w me. Those 7mths of torture i'll fxcking hell rmbr. Your abhorness from me cfm up there. Thanks k?

Tio yam ka dulan is at e' back.

Dnt blame me if I've got too many guy friends. Cos I believe guys are more reliable en' girls. Ey' nvr took advantage of me instead ey' treat me and pamper me like their lil' sis. Ey' took care of me. When other guys try to come close to me ey' defend for me pull away e' guy. How can I not be contented w my current life? Ey' stood up for me always. I'm glad I'm out of e' past sickening misery. Cos that jerk nvr once stood up for me. He thinks all my guy friends getting close to me is trying to take my advantage. But he nvr knew diff ppl has diff mindset. He's that kind of bastard it dsn't makes all guys e' same. He thinks all e' guys think alike w him? Lol. He's a joke that hvnt came ard his idea. He makes me cherish my friends so much. I love all of you! (; & one day he'll bound to get whack if he conti to touch other guys girls. Watch out bastard.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

It's fxcking 3.13am now. Here i am enjoying e' ambience of my room. My fone can't seems to stfu. I'm having damn work tmr. Just too bored so here i am blogging. I shall jolly well hit e' sack aft this stix. Life's too great for me w my awesome friends ard me steadily. I'm glad i have em' all w me. Neverending of supportings from em' just makes my day! Haha. My job is so stressful! Fml. Intend to switch to a office job soon. But i just can't bear to leave this job. But i know retail will gets me nowhere in e' future. Just some savings for my further studies in e' future befr i get a stable job. Know what? There's this fxcking feeling on me now. Wonder it's a good or bad thing? Maybe it's a good one. Cos' i've got phobia w guys. Haha. Ey're jerks. But of cos' not all of em'! I just wanna play all e' way w/o stucking on a r/s. Enjoying bits & pieces of my singlehood. I've been in a r/s from all e' way since 13. So i shall put it to a halt now.

Goodnights earthlings. Chop chop tmr late for work. );

Before i share with you guys my post. I hope you all read as if you're walking a mile in my shoe alright. I guess everything happens for a reason. & here's e' reason. Well actually i dn't feel like posting any shit that is related to him. Guess this is for memories or maybe when someone asks me what happens i could just flash this page up it saves me a bucket full of hassles to re explain to my friends. & one more thing i can't get to sleep now.

Looking back in retrospect i knew him few years back when i was still schooling. Guess that was when i'm sec2. My friend had a crushed on him telling me how cute & good looking he was. I didn't gave any twice hoot about him cos' i was attached back en'. When i first saw him he was outside my school for idk what goddamnit reason. So .. we went on w our life. I rly have no idea where we got each other contacts. We did contact in between. He brought me out to town, he did smth & bla bla bla he vomited at orchard mrt st ( okay inside info i've to keep it a secret. ) & acc me to bugis to get my stuffs. Okay so e' in between details i shall just strike it off alright. Till 090210, he just text me out of e' blue. He asked about my Olvls. He said he wanna study & asked me to guide, give him my unwanted textbooks & stuffs. I was like ' Ohh okay? ' So we started chatting about random topics. & he was such a entertainer ._. Smth just strucked me like ' Hey he's cute! ' Ha. & he asked me where am i heading e' next day. Told him i had an interview in town. I gave up this job for his sake & my friend was so furious w me for not turning up e' first day. He said he can acc me there for my interv aftermath shop w him as well cos' CNY is just ard e' corner at that time. Well so went out w him e' next day. He rode me there w his bike. Aft my interv & his shopping. He brought me to henderson. Everything starts there .. (;

I'm continuing typing but i just went blanked for awhile. Whether e' caused is that i totally forgot our memories or i'm just trying to let it slide away telling myself not to rake up e' past, k whatever caused or reason dsn't matters anymore. Lemme just snap it short i dn't feel like typing no more. With him, whatever unhappiness i've on my mind just flushed it off for that moment. I felt that i'm so happy being w him. But he somekind of broke my heart during our 'fling?' period? I told myself just let him go dn't contact him anymore. Yet he came back, asked me to be his girl. Till then. Everything went so sweet. Till, i did smth wrong? Cos' i dn't have any faith in us. Or maybe trust? I'm so fxcking afraid to love again. So i went to meet my ex. He came my house to meet my mum. I can swear this is true. He got no intention of meeting but my mum. Maybe it sounds kind of ridiculous but well its e' truth. & he just dn't believed. We fell apart & got back tgt again. Everything was so diff aftermath. We're like quarreling for almost every fortnight. Cos' i couldn't stand his possessive-ness? He always go this thinking i lied & whatsoever. Until then, i broke off w him. & realised after weeks, I couldn't live w/o him. That's when i realised his importance. I begged him back. For him i can throw away my pride & everything just yearning for him to be back w me. I nvr knew he had no intention to catch me when i fall. Came to think of it i was so dumb to think he would. Ha. I've nvr been so dumb befr in my 19 yrs of life to wait for a guy. I did everything. I did e' best i could. I neglect my family and friends. I meet him everyday. I slept at his everynight w/o fail. Even how busy i was i would push away everything just for him. Wokeup early in e' morning w him sent him off to e' bustop & off he goes for work. I'll go home & wished e' time would tick faster till his knock off timing & have dinner w him. Back to his crib & this routine continues like for almost close to 7mths. I've been living my life w fear for almost 7 mths. You knw how does e' feeling taste like? It's fxcking tormenting fxcking hell painful. Well, he flirt w ltruckload of girls outside. I knew everything i kept my mouth shut to prevent a fxcking argument w him. I swallowed real hard for everything. I told myself its worth it. As long he comes back whatever i do it's gonna worth me a life time. Cos' i thot he was e' one at that point of time whom i wanna spent my forever with. Ha. I was wrong. I realised everything i did for him was in vain. Just went down e' drain. I even tell myself it's gonna be alright aft all this mess has been cleared. Just let him flirt, play & hurt me. I owe him a payback when i hurt him so it's his time to hurt me back. Didn't knew i'm treated as a fool. I'm not gonna say what i did for him. Cos' it's over. & i dn't see any need to list it out. I dn't fxcking gain sympathy from my readers. I just wanna tell myself ' hey girl it's enough. ' I'm fxcking moving on now. I left for a fxcking reason. E' reason will nvr be ' i stopped loving you ' e' reason is: i think i've done enough, if you wanna come back you'll come back but he says we'll nvr. I even deceive myself that he'll. But fact is never. & i can even tell myself its okay whether we have no status or not as long he's by my side i'm perfectly fine.

But now i finally woke up from this beautiful nightmare. I'm fxcking moving on & i've moved. I dn't need you in my life ever again. I nvr knew i could do it but sadly i did. Ha. & i've nvr shed a single tears.

Living under tortures for 7mths. Now my new life i'll make it FTW. & real hard. My life is so much more better off w/o you. My friends are back. I'm finally freed. Freed from your horrendous nightmare. I believe in karma. You'll taste my 7mths one day. You won't understand when you've walked a mile in my shoes.

This is it. 100210 no more (;

My post is abit messy. Cos' when i'm typing i falling asleep! Shall update a proper one e' other day.

Buhbye! Sleeeeeeep now.