I've no time for games.

A.venue Bistro.

My blog is fxcking dead. My life is in a mess. I'm updating for e' sake of memories for myself. Hoping few years down e' road i'll be flipping back e' archives of my blog knowing what i've been doing for all these while. Being single is good but sometimes lacking love. Lacking of someone to reprimand me when i get home late & being there for me. I wanna fall in love again, all over again. But i just can't find e' right guy. Countless of guys now. But none are my cup of tea. I wanna meet a cute guy. A real cute one. He just have to be cute & nth else. I love guys w hoodies on. Guys w a kiddy look but yet he's matured in e' inside. Can i like meet one soon? Haha. I'm just kidn'. I dn't think i'll ever fall in love. When i really fall in love i'm gonna make him e' one. E' one that we'll last for a lifetime.

What have i become? I'm running against time. Time just flies. I'm gonna be 20 in few mths time. Too fast. If only time could rewind. I'll choose guys wisely. & it'll not lead me till who i am today. If only i didn't met em', maybe i'm much more happier. Damn. Isit true that everyone just live once? Is there smth like e' next life?

I just dn't understand guys. He's e' one that made me so confused. It's still him. It's still 100210. FML. All our promises, all our future, all our sweet talks went down e' drain. One day he'll understand if he met one like how i'm feeling when he's walking my mile. All e' best.

I shld stop my party life soon. I'm partying crazy every week w/o fail. It's just everyweek. Is this e' life i wanted? Or back to those torturing period? Where i rushed back to his crib everyday aft work & rushing out from his hse to work. Having him by my side yet he's heart is on somewhere else? Both lives are tired. What do i want actually? Just someone whom love me wholeheartedly & isn't afraid to show e' world how much he loves me. Snuggling under e' blanket w sweet talks etc. Isit so hard? I'm nvr contented, all humans too.

I'm tired. So tired of my fxcking life. But i'm glad i've friends whom have my back all e' while. Thanks. But i'm still tired. When can i have my happily ever after? Reminiscing sweet moments. But ey' nvr lasts.

Oh ya & marché w him. Guess it'll be e' last meal. Haha. I rmbred e' first dining in marché w him we were both so broke yet he still make e' effort to fork out & brought me there w all my terrible whinings. Thanks for e' sweet (; you're e' best I nvr had.

For all e' memories. For all e' tears. For all e' fights. For all e' laughters. For all e' risk. For all e' sacrifices. For all e' wounds. For all of what we've given each other. Finally it came to a halt. Thanks for being there. 100210.

I miss us sometimes. But it's e' not same misses anymore. I miss who you used to be. Dn't ever say sorry to me cos' it's like throwing a second insult on my face. You dn't need me actually. Maybe you're just afraid of being alone. W/o me being there to sleep by your side. Waking you up in e' morning. Cooked for you when you're hungry. Shopped w you giving you giving all e' comments & critics. Create a din in your room. Messing up every part of your room. I love e' way you are.

Thank you. Lewis Lim. For making me grow. For making me overcome every obstacles that i've came across independently. & deal w all e' tears everynight by myself.. That's when i realized i dn't have to rely on you. Cos' i can definitely handle myself. You were nvr there to catch me when i fall. I picked myself up thanks to you.

I left you, e' reason will nvr be i stopped loving you. I love you too much to let you go. Thanks for all e' memories.

& fml. All e' videos in my fone. We played crazily tgt. That's e' best part.

Go on w your life. Find a girl that could replace me. That could love you in a million ways. You deserve someone better. I dn't blame you for treating me like this. I've got only myself to blame. Maybe i just didn't play my part well as your girl. We'll be e' best of friends. (;

I heard stories about you. Everyday i'm listening to e' song of e' drama we watched tgt in your room. It's playing every single day in e' fm. Did you even realized both of e' chi songs i'll remind of us are both from e' drama we first watched when we're tgt & e' other one is e' last we caught tgt? Why am i moving on? Why did i moved on so fast? No guys helped me to move on. You're still e' last i love. There's none other in my heart now. You know how cruel you are? I re read your texts sent by you. How cruel can you be to me? I feel like i'm a pathetic piece of crap! You left no living road for me to walk. How many times you've given me up so fxcking easily? How many times did you asked me to move on? I've gt no other choice left. I've nvr once given up on you when you asked me to. Till e' last time.. You left me w no fxcking choice. How many umpteem times i begged you back to me? You didn't even give a hoot to me. Coincidentally idk why i pressed till your texts. I reread e' one you sent to me w emoji like how i oftenly sent to you during those torturing period. I felt so silly & even wanna cry. Cos' i won't ever get a fxcking more en' 10 words from you. All you replied was ' siao ah? lol ' & no more. Ever felt how disappointed i felt at that point of time? I swear i typed w all my heart trying to make your day. But somehow you dn't need all these. It's just one sided.

My 19 yrs of life. You were my favorite hello & hardest goodbye. I'vr nvr waited for someone. Knew how i lived my everyday w fears in your house? Even how tired i am i'll still get up early thou i still have 2 more hrs to sleep befr gg work. But i still endure everything for e' sake of being w you. Everytime when you're in your room, aft i showered. I dn't dare to open your fxcking room's door softly. I deliberately make loud noises turn e' knob loudly to let you notice i'm coming in so you could stop your craps or flirting viewing girl's pic in your comp. Dn't even dare to fetch you right on your sch entrance just fearing you might not want anyone to see me. Dn't even dare to glimpse on your fone each time it rings. Rmbr i always acc you to walk to e' bustop & whe you board e' bus i'll go. But you're meeting your classmate there so i walked e' other way in case you dsn't want him to see me. I rather you deceive me rather en' letting me knw e' truth. Cos' i knw i'll breakdown. & to you when i cry it's irritating. My tears wet your pillow every alternate days. I always cry asking myself why did you do these to me? E' guy i love. I've nvr question any doubts on who's right or wrong but e' only thing i care is whether isit worth it or not. I'll tell myself everythings gonna be worth it in e' end. I dn't care how many girls you flirt how many girls you meet but e' only thing i care is whether will you be back to me.

I thot i could change you. I can't. I'm fxcking useless. Rmbr each tears you made me roll down my cheeks. It's every lie you lied. But i still lied to myself you didn't. Ever know how tormenting it could feel? Can't you see how much effort i made to change myself cos' of you? You endlessly got me for granted & hurt me countlessly. You made me fall for you by those sweetest words you nvr meant. Where have all those promises gone to? You played w fire time aft time. Tell me? How to get back to you thou times i think about you when some scenes & songs reminded me of you. You wouldn't want me to do back those 7mths to you. Cos' if i treat you e' way you treated me you'll hate me. All i knw is for all e' guys that came across me now i'll let em' taste e' way how you got me. Idk what's love anymore. All i know is how you got me becoming a player. Influencing my friends just to screw e' guys feelings up. All thanks to you.

Stop saying i've moved. Cos' e' one that move on first was you. It was nvr me. All those emoji texts i typed you restored your fone w/o even giving a damn of saving it down. My efforts just went down e' drain. You left me so unappreciated. You used to be e' first reason i smiled every morning but for e' torturing period you're e' reason behind each tear i cried at night.

I moved on not bcos' of stopped loving you. You left me w no fxcking choice. It's e' only way i've to walk. Dn't worry i wouldn't get myself any bf. Cos' it's e' player game starts now.

Hello Stranger.

I'm not trying to pick a fight nor to knock senses into stubborn people's head. It'll just get to no avail. Just trying to reason out & for what i care what's right or wrong. You rly made me regretted being w you. My thinking wasn't like this in e' first fxcking place. It used to be ' love you once love you still, i always have & i always will. ' Seems like i've implanted a fxcking enormous mistake in my life which is ever being w you. Unnecessary rumours & being stab from e' back from your fee u wee bros. Thanks ah. Ey' nvr will comprehend how does it feels to walk this mile. Hey i'm not blaming you. But for all e' things i've done i just felt so unworth. I used to think everything will be worth in e' end. Guess i was wrong. Entirely wrong. Well, it's okay. You got your bros on your back, i've gone mine too steadily. Vice versa. How much awful or ugly stuffs that's spouted from their mouth my friends did it way much more uglier en' em' to say about you. I tried e' soft way. But it just dsn't works. I used to tell myself ' if i dn't cb, ppl will also cb to me. So why not i cb? So i wouldn't get hurt? ' So i'll knn cb all e' way. You made me do these. Just pray hard none of you ever falls into this misery. Cos' if you did you'll fxcking understand. What's e' use of holding on to grudges? I dn't hate all of you. I dn't owe all of you a fxcking living. If you think i'm at fault. So be it. It has nvr ever been a issue in my life befr & it fxcking will nvr be. I'll walk my way but just dn't intrude into my affairs. What's e' point of blaming? If all of you are each other pillar of strength would it even fall apart? C'mon la. Have you ever think what are friends for? Knowing him/her mistakes but still have her back all e' way supporting her? Reprimand him/her first but still you got to side her all e' way! Cos' this is what are friends for! Knewing their flaws yet trying to be understanding cos' him/her is just born this way?

Find it such a joke. Actually it dsn't matter much to be anymore. Cos' i'm out of that fxcking life/world. Just passerby in my life. What for? I'm not getting affected cos' ey' aren't even my friends. I've got way much more better stuffs to look out for.

For e' person i love. I'll risk everything to be w him i dn't care how fxckup i was being said. It just dsn't matter. Cos' you're all that matters. But you're making a fool out of me. Making me risk all these obstacles so unworth & unappreciated. I'm glad you're out of my sight out of my world. Cos' w/o you i'm so much more way fxcking hell happier. Your presence just sucks. This hatred will go on w me. Those 7mths of torture i'll fxcking hell rmbr. Your abhorness from me cfm up there. Thanks k?

Tio yam ka dulan is at e' back.

Dnt blame me if I've got too many guy friends. Cos I believe guys are more reliable en' girls. Ey' nvr took advantage of me instead ey' treat me and pamper me like their lil' sis. Ey' took care of me. When other guys try to come close to me ey' defend for me pull away e' guy. How can I not be contented w my current life? Ey' stood up for me always. I'm glad I'm out of e' past sickening misery. Cos that jerk nvr once stood up for me. He thinks all my guy friends getting close to me is trying to take my advantage. But he nvr knew diff ppl has diff mindset. He's that kind of bastard it dsn't makes all guys e' same. He thinks all e' guys think alike w him? Lol. He's a joke that hvnt came ard his idea. He makes me cherish my friends so much. I love all of you! (; & one day he'll bound to get whack if he conti to touch other guys girls. Watch out bastard.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

It's fxcking 3.13am now. Here i am enjoying e' ambience of my room. My fone can't seems to stfu. I'm having damn work tmr. Just too bored so here i am blogging. I shall jolly well hit e' sack aft this stix. Life's too great for me w my awesome friends ard me steadily. I'm glad i have em' all w me. Neverending of supportings from em' just makes my day! Haha. My job is so stressful! Fml. Intend to switch to a office job soon. But i just can't bear to leave this job. But i know retail will gets me nowhere in e' future. Just some savings for my further studies in e' future befr i get a stable job. Know what? There's this fxcking feeling on me now. Wonder it's a good or bad thing? Maybe it's a good one. Cos' i've got phobia w guys. Haha. Ey're jerks. But of cos' not all of em'! I just wanna play all e' way w/o stucking on a r/s. Enjoying bits & pieces of my singlehood. I've been in a r/s from all e' way since 13. So i shall put it to a halt now.

Goodnights earthlings. Chop chop tmr late for work. );

Before i share with you guys my post. I hope you all read as if you're walking a mile in my shoe alright. I guess everything happens for a reason. & here's e' reason. Well actually i dn't feel like posting any shit that is related to him. Guess this is for memories or maybe when someone asks me what happens i could just flash this page up it saves me a bucket full of hassles to re explain to my friends. & one more thing i can't get to sleep now.

Looking back in retrospect i knew him few years back when i was still schooling. Guess that was when i'm sec2. My friend had a crushed on him telling me how cute & good looking he was. I didn't gave any twice hoot about him cos' i was attached back en'. When i first saw him he was outside my school for idk what goddamnit reason. So .. we went on w our life. I rly have no idea where we got each other contacts. We did contact in between. He brought me out to town, he did smth & bla bla bla he vomited at orchard mrt st ( okay inside info i've to keep it a secret. ) & acc me to bugis to get my stuffs. Okay so e' in between details i shall just strike it off alright. Till 090210, he just text me out of e' blue. He asked about my Olvls. He said he wanna study & asked me to guide, give him my unwanted textbooks & stuffs. I was like ' Ohh okay? ' So we started chatting about random topics. & he was such a entertainer ._. Smth just strucked me like ' Hey he's cute! ' Ha. & he asked me where am i heading e' next day. Told him i had an interview in town. I gave up this job for his sake & my friend was so furious w me for not turning up e' first day. He said he can acc me there for my interv aftermath shop w him as well cos' CNY is just ard e' corner at that time. Well so went out w him e' next day. He rode me there w his bike. Aft my interv & his shopping. He brought me to henderson. Everything starts there .. (;

I'm continuing typing but i just went blanked for awhile. Whether e' caused is that i totally forgot our memories or i'm just trying to let it slide away telling myself not to rake up e' past, k whatever caused or reason dsn't matters anymore. Lemme just snap it short i dn't feel like typing no more. With him, whatever unhappiness i've on my mind just flushed it off for that moment. I felt that i'm so happy being w him. But he somekind of broke my heart during our 'fling?' period? I told myself just let him go dn't contact him anymore. Yet he came back, asked me to be his girl. Till then. Everything went so sweet. Till, i did smth wrong? Cos' i dn't have any faith in us. Or maybe trust? I'm so fxcking afraid to love again. So i went to meet my ex. He came my house to meet my mum. I can swear this is true. He got no intention of meeting but my mum. Maybe it sounds kind of ridiculous but well its e' truth. & he just dn't believed. We fell apart & got back tgt again. Everything was so diff aftermath. We're like quarreling for almost every fortnight. Cos' i couldn't stand his possessive-ness? He always go this thinking i lied & whatsoever. Until then, i broke off w him. & realised after weeks, I couldn't live w/o him. That's when i realised his importance. I begged him back. For him i can throw away my pride & everything just yearning for him to be back w me. I nvr knew he had no intention to catch me when i fall. Came to think of it i was so dumb to think he would. Ha. I've nvr been so dumb befr in my 19 yrs of life to wait for a guy. I did everything. I did e' best i could. I neglect my family and friends. I meet him everyday. I slept at his everynight w/o fail. Even how busy i was i would push away everything just for him. Wokeup early in e' morning w him sent him off to e' bustop & off he goes for work. I'll go home & wished e' time would tick faster till his knock off timing & have dinner w him. Back to his crib & this routine continues like for almost close to 7mths. I've been living my life w fear for almost 7 mths. You knw how does e' feeling taste like? It's fxcking tormenting fxcking hell painful. Well, he flirt w ltruckload of girls outside. I knew everything i kept my mouth shut to prevent a fxcking argument w him. I swallowed real hard for everything. I told myself its worth it. As long he comes back whatever i do it's gonna worth me a life time. Cos' i thot he was e' one at that point of time whom i wanna spent my forever with. Ha. I was wrong. I realised everything i did for him was in vain. Just went down e' drain. I even tell myself it's gonna be alright aft all this mess has been cleared. Just let him flirt, play & hurt me. I owe him a payback when i hurt him so it's his time to hurt me back. Didn't knew i'm treated as a fool. I'm not gonna say what i did for him. Cos' it's over. & i dn't see any need to list it out. I dn't fxcking gain sympathy from my readers. I just wanna tell myself ' hey girl it's enough. ' I'm fxcking moving on now. I left for a fxcking reason. E' reason will nvr be ' i stopped loving you ' e' reason is: i think i've done enough, if you wanna come back you'll come back but he says we'll nvr. I even deceive myself that he'll. But fact is never. & i can even tell myself its okay whether we have no status or not as long he's by my side i'm perfectly fine.

But now i finally woke up from this beautiful nightmare. I'm fxcking moving on & i've moved. I dn't need you in my life ever again. I nvr knew i could do it but sadly i did. Ha. & i've nvr shed a single tears.

Living under tortures for 7mths. Now my new life i'll make it FTW. & real hard. My life is so much more better off w/o you. My friends are back. I'm finally freed. Freed from your horrendous nightmare. I believe in karma. You'll taste my 7mths one day. You won't understand when you've walked a mile in my shoes.

This is it. 100210 no more (;

My post is abit messy. Cos' when i'm typing i falling asleep! Shall update a proper one e' other day.

Buhbye! Sleeeeeeep now.

I'm gonna be bored to death! No joke. This is e' damn reason that brought me here. See, I wasn't kidding in e' first place. So mad sleepy and bored at work now. Causing me to build stupid castles in e' air. Arghs! & I just realised this fxcken blogpress ain't working. It's not publishing my previous posts I typed w my life! I poured out all my thoughts in life & yet just vanished even w/o leaving a single alphabet in my drafts. So unkind! Just feel like quitting this job. Idk why? & my boss is gg overseas agn on nextweek & 8days are sure hell to me. Stressing about sales! Hate it. Fml please. Kthxbai.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

This is a angsty post. There's this fxcker, i've nvr seen anyone else more fxckup en' him. He's e' one who dsn't wants to be tgt. Okay fine. I dn't care cos' i nvr want to wait for him anymore. & all he does is to ask me decide. I say you want you patch if not dn't patch & dn't contact not even friends. He ask me decide. SMLJ LA FXCK. I decide alrdy he dn't want en' ask me decide gam beh lan ah? All he does is push e' blames to me. He dn't dare to ask me fxck off cos' i gt tons of reason to say he's e' one who let me go. & he's forcing me to let him go cos' he can blame me all he wants. NBCB. KNN BE A MAN LA. LIKE PUSSY. CCB. & FXCKING FLIRT. Gt one girl not enough you want how many girls? Dn't always act on innocent or one nice infront of ppl yet behind another story la. & whatever i did he wants revenge. Eh hello? How old alrdy? 22 this yr alrdy still 16yrs old mindset. I sit my friend car he say i slut? He at cab touch e' girl leg en' he's what? Make ppl laugh only sia. I alrdy knw e' truth he still want infront of me lie. Lol? Dk want laugh or pekcek sia when he lie. Cos' he can cover so well. WOW. Be w your friends more fun jiu say la. Everytime dnt dare admit. Dn't want patch cos' can conti hong say only la. Dn't need push everything to me one. What i decide? Decide your lan la. & he made me go all e' way dwn to mbk to see how he flirt. He dn't dare to let his new friends knw my existence. Power.

He's e' worst i've ever met. He has a girl thinking. Why is he born w a dick?!