I'm such a loser. I didn't achieve anything till now, i'm 19. It has been 19 years. I drop out of school when i was 15. I regretted gg in NVSS. E' people i met there screw my entire life up. Be it love life, school mates, teachers & even e' principle. I fxcking hate em' & e' whole part of my sec sch journey. It should be a fun one but e' teachers & principle are just crap stuffs! I can't go to school in peace everyday with em' prejudicing me always. I spent my sec 2 life either detention or suspension. & e' fxcking vice principle even ask me not to go school, only when i feel like studying en' i'll have to go back. E' principle fxcking hell ask me to get lost. FML. Was wondering, if i didn't enter NVSS but other schools i could have graduated from poly this year. But there's one thing i never regretted was some of e' friends i get to know there. I'm just ranting every single day on my twitter how my life is in a chaos. I think its time to learn something new. Its time for e' start of a new journey of my life. To do myself proud. I just find my life rather fxck up. I shouldn't think of dying. But it's e' only way to ease e' fxcking pain. Would anyone bother to care if i'm gone forever? Some friends are just friends no more en' that. I can treat you double nice & i'll do everything to e' extreme for em'. But nobody appreciates. Why ey' always take things for granted? If you can't do e' same thing like how i treated you dn't expect me to treat you like how i did before. It's not i dn't fxcking care about em' but when i'm down i dn't even knw which one to turn to? My mind spinning all kinds of thoughts ' will ey' ans my call? are ey' free? am i disturbing em'? ' End up i'm always alone. It's like so meaningless. All of em' are e' same. Actually i dn't blame em'. I try to understand em' i try my best to solve their problems for em'. But it really hurts to see being unappreciated. Just FML hard!

For every love life e' conclusion is just disappointment. I'm not gonna let anyone enter my life & take my smile away ever again. Love is just a word but there's no one to define e' real meaning behind it. Screw all e' guys who made me cry like there's no tmr. & i nvr really knew how strong am i until being strong is e' only choice left for me.

I'm done with my rants. KTHXBAI.

I love foods! I'm too bored. So I'm gonna post all e' foods I've been eating these few days k? I'm drooling now. Slurps* basically e' money I spent on foods are much more en' my clothes! My hobby eat eat eat & of cos' shopping. Lololol. K gonna end this post I'm so hungry now! I rmbred huiying told me before 能吃是福? Not sure if I used e' correct 'fu' anot?!





































































& I'm loving my new bag & wallet! E' bag is from my dad & e' wallet is from Lewis. Both are my bday present! Hehe.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Valentines Day. How's your 14th feb spent w your loved ones? I had an awesome one with him. It's not e' day that made it special but it was him that made everything great & worthwhile. Even if it's just a simple dinner & roses. I'm so surprised when I saw him holding it on his hands. It's like how silly we could fought so hard ytd but e' next day we're back to normal. Thanks for e' effort made you still went out w me despite you're feeling unwell. I had an awesome Val! What about all of you? (;


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

If only i got a choice, i wouldn't kill you. I'll stab myself to death infront of you. Cos' only when i'm dead you'll be happy & there you'll start to think how things should be like. & there you'll start to understand me just a lil' & see e' changes in me. You threatened me w death, you thought me all these. I'm telling you back.

FXCK YOU HARD & YOUR FXCKING BRAINLESS PHILOSOPHY.

It's not ppl dn't wanna understand you, you didn't even try to understand ppl so dn't fxcking blame ppl for not understanding you. Wake up your fxcking idea.

My Life Story.

It's gonna be wordy, mind you.

I'm too bored. So it eventually brought me to blogger.com to update this rusty space of mine where i plant my memories.

I'm 19. Well, no big deal. I just realised time is running out. But i'm glad i'm still young. I often rant how much i hate my life & how my life sucks compared to e' others. But i'm still contented. E' best part that keeps me gg on is my mum. No words can describe how much i love her & how grateful i had got her. She's e' best living thing on earth, i swear! She stood by me throughout e' whole journey of my life. She's e' bestest of e' BEST. If there's a next life, i would still wanna be her daughter. She'll be e' only one i'm willing to sacrifice anything or everything for her. I love you, mummy!

But on e' other hand, my life wasn't as great as how i thought. It was a catastrophe compared to a disaster. I failed to handle situations. I suck at this. So FML. I hate myself for still breathing. How much i envy others happy families, their happy love life, their happy friends. When it comes to love. It just shoot me down. Everyone has their negative side of life. It's just how you look at it in a optimistic or pessimistic way. But no matter how hard i tried to look things in a different way it failed to keep me smiling. Everything is so haywire to me. Just dn't feel good. That's why i've been so gloomy. If only there's a sombohdee who will always be by my side. I dn't need a sombohdee to promise to solve all my problems for me but just walk thru all e' darkest obstacles in my life w me. Humans are e' same, i guess. Ey' can treat someone high up like to e' heaven. Or just treat someone low down like hell. But ey' nvr appreciate when ey're high up in e' heaven. Only when ey're banished down to e' hell, ey'll taste e' feeling. After so much typings, i just didn't get to e' main point. But it's okay. I know i'm gonna be alright. This year bday' wish is a lil' different from e' rest of e' year. I stopped myself from wishing ' Tears free everyday ' Cos' i know i'll still. It's just some crap to kid lil' girls & boys just like fairytales.

If only liquor could drown my sorrows waking up e' next day forgetting all e' unhappy scenarios in my life. I dn't mind to drink everyday till i get e' worst hangover. It's just temporary.

I missed out too much funs in my life. But i wish it was a much simpler life.

K goodnights. I'm gonna end here.

14/1/11, e' day i fell so hard. So hard so fxcking hard on e' ground. I've nvr felt like this before. I nvr went so crazy before. I nvr felt any pain when i did e' bangings on e' wall repeatedly. At that point of time i find no one. No one was there. If only Mel & Adrian was here. I was dying alone, there's this person who was so heartless. Left me here went to e' club with his friends. Seeing those pictures so happy he smiled, he didn't feel anything. He said he feels fxcking upset. E' pain can nvr be compared to mine. He got his whole bunch of friends there. I'm just alone. Those texts he said he'll be there. He nvr fail to be there for me. Those were lies. Fxcken lies. I was too stupid. Stupid to fall in love. When i didn't love him enough, he ask why didn't i love him enough. When i love him, so what did i get? I nvr expect anything. Just a simple love life. But it wasn't enough. So tell me, what for love someone? If i didn't love him enough, i wouldn't went crazy that night. I wouldn't even bother if he's gonna jump. I wouldn't really felt how cruel love feels like. Thanks to you. I finally understand i really shouldn't love a person with all of my heart. I think it's enough. E' tears can't stop, e' scene can't stop replaying. I'm so tired. What did i deserve all these? If only i didn't met you. I'll nvr forget that day. This will go on with me, this hatred will go on with me. I'll nvr forget. Cos' i know a good turn deserves another. & a bad turn deserves another. So fxcking pain. Maybe this is a lesson. A great lesson that i learnt to eventually make me let go. Nothing can be mended anymore. It just happens. It does not happens for a reason. It happens cos' i can finally see your true colours.

Now i understand i can nvr be compared to a club. If only it was me. You'll be 100x more crazier en' me. Cos' it isn't you. You dk how fxcking pain it feels.

I'm too stupid. Those ppl out there treated me like heaven why didn't i even bother em'? Yet i'm being treated like a piece of shit. Only when you're alone you'll think of me.

In 2010, meeting you was nvr a great thing now. It's my biggest regret.

I swear, i'll nvr love anyone w all of my heart again. E' nightmare has just begun.

Just bcos' ..
someone flirts with you, doesn’t mean they like you.
someone likes you, doesn’t mean they want to date you.
someone dates you, doesn’t mean they love you.
someone loves you, doesn’t mean they won’t hurt you.

Some girls are just so naive to believe that guys are so simple. & some girls are slut enough to thinks that guys who flirts w em', likes em'. N-A-I-V-E! Stupid girls. I can't stand some girls who come over telling me that guy flirts w her likes her. In my mind i'll be telling myself ' She's stupid ' ._.

Oops. I'm a day late in this space! Happy New Year everyone! How's your new year spent?! I spent my new year at so many places. Blast! & finally after 3yrs i saw Fiona at Amber. & e' worst part was waiting for cab! Omgosh. Same like last year. It was like hell. All cabs either on call or busy. Asses. Was 2010 a bad year? Can't help to agree with it. Hope 2011 would be better & i can be happier. I guess i'm better off alone. Things are destined. Ha, people often enters my life in e' sweetest entrance & exits by e' toughest doors. I always built a wall against people to see who're e' real ones who care enough to break it down. Nonetheless, there isn't any. By typing this post i feel like crying. My tears are always falling so easily. I promised myself not to cry every year. Tried so many attempts but to no avail. Honestly speaking, who'll always be there? In e' end i'm still alone standing. I felt that my life are filled with miseries. Just when i thought those people could be a part of me & play a important role in my life, left me one by one. Why humans dsn't seems to understand? If you can't handle me at my worst you definitely dn't deserve me at my best. I've got so many things to say, but i kept everything nicely within me & e' next moment deleted it by my mind. Ha, felt so stupid. Wanted to say tons of stuffs, when it comes to e' situation everything just vanished. Is this a good or bad thing? Maybe i should try to say everything out that will make people understand. But what's e' use? Everyone's selfish. Nobody will think their in e' wrong. It's just my wishful thinking to think that people will understand. I shouldn't be angry so often, it causes me to lose sixty secs of happiness. So what for? Someone always say ' dn't treat someone as a priority when you're just treated as an option? ' I guess i'm e' option never e' priority. I hate everything about 2010, except meeting you. It was e' best part of 2010. Hope e' same goes to you too. Happy moments till then on 1-1-11. I'm gonna leave everything in e' lurch. Only bringing happy memories with me on e' road ahead of 2011. Just hope that you'll be happy, forever (; No matter how tough my road will be in e' future, i'm still gonna wipe of my tears & continue this journey ahead independently. Always e' last man standing.

Maybe i should just be like this song, 寂寞寂寞就好? Haha. That's when i know i'm e' best.

I'm bored. So i came to blog. & i'm sleepy. But idk why i dn't feel like sleeping. Arghs. & i'm so angry. Super angry. Angry till my room's door spoilt! I slammed so hard till e' lock came off & it can't be fixed on my own cos' e' thing broke. & this makes me even angrier! I yell until ... i think my neighbours heard. I hate my temper. Only my mum can tolerate my nonsense. Came to think of it, i feel i'm so lame. Like srsly L-A-M-E. E' reason i'm so pissed of is cos' of my fringe. Cos' of e' stupid hairstylist cut off my side long fringe. & it became B-A-N-G-S now. WTF?! I hate bangs! I told her i wanna keep e' length of my side fringe & ask her not to snip it off. And my fringe looks so straight now like ah hai sia. Many ppl says it looks okay but e' fact to me it's terrible! Shouldn't have let her cut. So e' next day i went dwn to another salon to re cut again w Lewis. I nag & nag & nag to him until he keep laugh. Idk why he thinks so funny but to me i very pekcek! Pekcek until hais. I nth to say to him anymore. I knw in his heart he cfm ' Wah heng she nvr niam anymore. ' It looks better now but its still so horrible! Idk how long do i've to take to grow back lo ); Damn e' hairstylist who claims to knw how to cut yet e' outcome was BANGS! Omg. Kkkkkkkk. Got to stop ranting. But i really super pekcek lo! So straight ley now waliew. Hais!

Oh X'mas is round e' corner. One day gonna pass just like that. Feels like 09' & this year time flew so fast. Dn't feel like celebrating X'mas. Whenever its X'mas i'll be so excited celebrating it. This year like no X'mas feel lo. LOL. & my bday' is coming! & dn't think i'll be celebrating it also. 19yrs old celebrate for what.

Gonna hit e' sack real soon. I need to work alrdy. No more slacking. I feels i'm so fortunate lo. My mum dsn't wants me to go out & work. Hahaha! Whenever i work she'll like ' Huh, dn't la i also nvr in need of money ); ' Hehe i love her so much. But still, i'll work. Cos' i knw i'll need to & not depend on anyone.

Shucks. Nights bitches.

Time flies. It's dec alrdy. A year is gonna pass just like that. When i was young i yearned to grow up. But when i've grown up i wished i was that young lil' girl back then. What should i do now? Study? Go for courses? Or work? Life's such a bitch for us to make so many decisions.