Before i share with you guys my post. I hope you all read as if you're walking a mile in my shoe alright. I guess everything happens for a reason. & here's e' reason. Well actually i dn't feel like posting any shit that is related to him. Guess this is for memories or maybe when someone asks me what happens i could just flash this page up it saves me a bucket full of hassles to re explain to my friends. & one more thing i can't get to sleep now.

Looking back in retrospect i knew him few years back when i was still schooling. Guess that was when i'm sec2. My friend had a crushed on him telling me how cute & good looking he was. I didn't gave any twice hoot about him cos' i was attached back en'. When i first saw him he was outside my school for idk what goddamnit reason. So .. we went on w our life. I rly have no idea where we got each other contacts. We did contact in between. He brought me out to town, he did smth & bla bla bla he vomited at orchard mrt st ( okay inside info i've to keep it a secret. ) & acc me to bugis to get my stuffs. Okay so e' in between details i shall just strike it off alright. Till 090210, he just text me out of e' blue. He asked about my Olvls. He said he wanna study & asked me to guide, give him my unwanted textbooks & stuffs. I was like ' Ohh okay? ' So we started chatting about random topics. & he was such a entertainer ._. Smth just strucked me like ' Hey he's cute! ' Ha. & he asked me where am i heading e' next day. Told him i had an interview in town. I gave up this job for his sake & my friend was so furious w me for not turning up e' first day. He said he can acc me there for my interv aftermath shop w him as well cos' CNY is just ard e' corner at that time. Well so went out w him e' next day. He rode me there w his bike. Aft my interv & his shopping. He brought me to henderson. Everything starts there .. (;

I'm continuing typing but i just went blanked for awhile. Whether e' caused is that i totally forgot our memories or i'm just trying to let it slide away telling myself not to rake up e' past, k whatever caused or reason dsn't matters anymore. Lemme just snap it short i dn't feel like typing no more. With him, whatever unhappiness i've on my mind just flushed it off for that moment. I felt that i'm so happy being w him. But he somekind of broke my heart during our 'fling?' period? I told myself just let him go dn't contact him anymore. Yet he came back, asked me to be his girl. Till then. Everything went so sweet. Till, i did smth wrong? Cos' i dn't have any faith in us. Or maybe trust? I'm so fxcking afraid to love again. So i went to meet my ex. He came my house to meet my mum. I can swear this is true. He got no intention of meeting but my mum. Maybe it sounds kind of ridiculous but well its e' truth. & he just dn't believed. We fell apart & got back tgt again. Everything was so diff aftermath. We're like quarreling for almost every fortnight. Cos' i couldn't stand his possessive-ness? He always go this thinking i lied & whatsoever. Until then, i broke off w him. & realised after weeks, I couldn't live w/o him. That's when i realised his importance. I begged him back. For him i can throw away my pride & everything just yearning for him to be back w me. I nvr knew he had no intention to catch me when i fall. Came to think of it i was so dumb to think he would. Ha. I've nvr been so dumb befr in my 19 yrs of life to wait for a guy. I did everything. I did e' best i could. I neglect my family and friends. I meet him everyday. I slept at his everynight w/o fail. Even how busy i was i would push away everything just for him. Wokeup early in e' morning w him sent him off to e' bustop & off he goes for work. I'll go home & wished e' time would tick faster till his knock off timing & have dinner w him. Back to his crib & this routine continues like for almost close to 7mths. I've been living my life w fear for almost 7 mths. You knw how does e' feeling taste like? It's fxcking tormenting fxcking hell painful. Well, he flirt w ltruckload of girls outside. I knew everything i kept my mouth shut to prevent a fxcking argument w him. I swallowed real hard for everything. I told myself its worth it. As long he comes back whatever i do it's gonna worth me a life time. Cos' i thot he was e' one at that point of time whom i wanna spent my forever with. Ha. I was wrong. I realised everything i did for him was in vain. Just went down e' drain. I even tell myself it's gonna be alright aft all this mess has been cleared. Just let him flirt, play & hurt me. I owe him a payback when i hurt him so it's his time to hurt me back. Didn't knew i'm treated as a fool. I'm not gonna say what i did for him. Cos' it's over. & i dn't see any need to list it out. I dn't fxcking gain sympathy from my readers. I just wanna tell myself ' hey girl it's enough. ' I'm fxcking moving on now. I left for a fxcking reason. E' reason will nvr be ' i stopped loving you ' e' reason is: i think i've done enough, if you wanna come back you'll come back but he says we'll nvr. I even deceive myself that he'll. But fact is never. & i can even tell myself its okay whether we have no status or not as long he's by my side i'm perfectly fine.

But now i finally woke up from this beautiful nightmare. I'm fxcking moving on & i've moved. I dn't need you in my life ever again. I nvr knew i could do it but sadly i did. Ha. & i've nvr shed a single tears.

Living under tortures for 7mths. Now my new life i'll make it FTW. & real hard. My life is so much more better off w/o you. My friends are back. I'm finally freed. Freed from your horrendous nightmare. I believe in karma. You'll taste my 7mths one day. You won't understand when you've walked a mile in my shoes.

This is it. 100210 no more (;

My post is abit messy. Cos' when i'm typing i falling asleep! Shall update a proper one e' other day.

Buhbye! Sleeeeeeep now.

I'm gonna be bored to death! No joke. This is e' damn reason that brought me here. See, I wasn't kidding in e' first place. So mad sleepy and bored at work now. Causing me to build stupid castles in e' air. Arghs! & I just realised this fxcken blogpress ain't working. It's not publishing my previous posts I typed w my life! I poured out all my thoughts in life & yet just vanished even w/o leaving a single alphabet in my drafts. So unkind! Just feel like quitting this job. Idk why? & my boss is gg overseas agn on nextweek & 8days are sure hell to me. Stressing about sales! Hate it. Fml please. Kthxbai.


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This is a angsty post. There's this fxcker, i've nvr seen anyone else more fxckup en' him. He's e' one who dsn't wants to be tgt. Okay fine. I dn't care cos' i nvr want to wait for him anymore. & all he does is to ask me decide. I say you want you patch if not dn't patch & dn't contact not even friends. He ask me decide. SMLJ LA FXCK. I decide alrdy he dn't want en' ask me decide gam beh lan ah? All he does is push e' blames to me. He dn't dare to ask me fxck off cos' i gt tons of reason to say he's e' one who let me go. & he's forcing me to let him go cos' he can blame me all he wants. NBCB. KNN BE A MAN LA. LIKE PUSSY. CCB. & FXCKING FLIRT. Gt one girl not enough you want how many girls? Dn't always act on innocent or one nice infront of ppl yet behind another story la. & whatever i did he wants revenge. Eh hello? How old alrdy? 22 this yr alrdy still 16yrs old mindset. I sit my friend car he say i slut? He at cab touch e' girl leg en' he's what? Make ppl laugh only sia. I alrdy knw e' truth he still want infront of me lie. Lol? Dk want laugh or pekcek sia when he lie. Cos' he can cover so well. WOW. Be w your friends more fun jiu say la. Everytime dnt dare admit. Dn't want patch cos' can conti hong say only la. Dn't need push everything to me one. What i decide? Decide your lan la. & he made me go all e' way dwn to mbk to see how he flirt. He dn't dare to let his new friends knw my existence. Power.

He's e' worst i've ever met. He has a girl thinking. Why is he born w a dick?!

Reminiscing. I miss my past extremely much. Can I like go back those happy moments & time just stops there? I dnt mind sleeping all e' way & nvr gonna wake up ever again but that happy dream spinning on repeat. Back on e' track. My life has nvr been so complicated befr. But I knw I'm gonna smile for e' happiness that happens on e' go instead of smiling back at memories. Memories are just memories meant to be kept. One will nvr move on if we're always burying ourselves in e' past. Dnt worry about those ppl in our past cos' there's a godamn reason that ey' didn't make it to our future. Lift your heads & let's dash across our future. I knw I'm gonna make it. I knw I can be happy, happier en' befr (;


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Life, too many disastrous events gg on. One look could kill. More like a masquerade event gg on thru this journey. Wearing masks to live, fake souls. They're all my ridiculous friends. Some are good some are hell. Trying to be nice infront yet stab you on your back. I can't handle it. Traumatic yea. But well, if ey' can do it why can't i? I can handle it so well now. I'm gonna be even faker. I can fake spontaneously. I can do way much more better en' em'. Once bitten twice shy. I'm not gonna make e' same mistakes again. For trusting some scumbag. Trusting dsn't takes place. So let's pretend tgt. If you're gonna be this way, its too sad for you. Cos' karma will fxcking hit you. Let's wait. I've got time way too much time to see you fall. Let's start this game now okay?

I'm laughing helplessly at some girls who got their karma now. & i can't help but to laugh it out all to my friends. Nice one. You deserve it. Trying to break ppl up ended up hurting yourself now. You can't even handle your life well yet you wanna be that noble lady who try to handle ppl's prob? Dn't be that busybody. No one's gonna thank you for your great achievement. Great job you've done. But you failed. My time of miserable passed. It's all of your turn now. Goodluck fxcktards. Taste e' feeling of sour grapes. Nvr attempt on something cos' you might hurt yourself endlessly in e' end. & rmbr something, what you've done to others there'll be a time where ppl do it right back on your face. Try it.

I love this song from final fantasy. Yea so fantasy right? Imagine if my world hurls w all those fantasy stuffs ... Wouldn't it be so great?



Work has been hell hectic for me. Working like dog! From e' previous week sat till now i've no off at all. & it's public hol tmr yet i still have to turn up ); Thot of gg for some shop till drop session but it's blown off by a text from my boss. Sadded T.T Turning in soon or else i'll be late. I'm late for almost every single day. Gosh.

Sometimes somedays I ponder alot. Whether isit a mistake an accident or a meant to be? I just find it so funny. We knew each other years back but we didnt even talk at all. But despite e' fact that we didn't talk we still meet up or contact few years back for a very short period of time & it stops again. But yet out of a sudden we're tgt in a weirdest way? Did we met by accident? I nvr thot I'll ever fall for you. Its not about having a perfect relationship, but it’s finding someone who matches you and you will go through everything without giving up.. But now I'm giving up soon. Thanks for your memories. Ey're meant to be kept.


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Feel like quitting my job and get back on track to studies man! Tough decision to make. Arghs. I've been granted 2 off days. No not shiok at all. Cos I'll be working for e' whole damn week starting from this weekend. Thus 2 weeks of my weekends are burn! $&@#%^* pekcek. E' boss will be away to Korea to get stocks. Like damn I'll have to work alone. Just pray that my sales will be good! & I prepared dinner for some idiot.


Kangkong!


Sambal prawns.


Steamed egg w minced pork. I knw e' egg looks weird cos' while steaming I was on e' fone w dor & I forgot to turn e' big fire to small fire. Hahaha! So it turn out to be like this ); but still taste good okay?!


Packed into lunch box & bring to him.

















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My life now...

Idk how shld I put those words in. It's like you've been doing smth for everyday and you're so sick of e' routine you wished it could get better but no matter how hard you try it just gets to no avail. No matter how tired I complained or rant I just continue to do it wished it could get better some day. Was it just my wishful thinking or am I too naive to believe someone will change? Just realized everything I've done was in vain. Why isit so hard to get happiness? Everything I've encountered in my life towards happiness was obstructed by obstacles. I find it so hard to salvage this damn thing when I'm e' only one who's making e' effort. Why would someone tells me he loves me when he's burying himself in e' past? Why would someone tells me he loves me when he continuously makes me cry? Hurts me w harsh words? What I've deserved you've alrdy given me. You shld have done w all those revenge and paybacks. I dnt owe you a living. I'm just someone w feelings. Why can't you understand all these shit stuffs you've made me undergo? It's enough I guess. Stop torturing me. It's fxcking pain. Fxcking tormenting. Yes I was wrong in e' past but over e' times i've realized all my mistakes. I've changed so much to fit into you everything in details. Trying to accomodate my timings into yours. Done everything I could. But it was nvr enough. I dnt think e' only reason was you not forgetting e' past. Was it just an excuse? Even everything you've done behind my back I could give up my pride to forgive you. As long you come back. I can ignore those things you did I could love you over again w/o raking up anything in e' past. I knew things outside you did but as long it dsn't comes into my ear I can pretend so well for our happy ending. Why can't you? Those words you said to me slit over my heart. It's excruciating pain. You're not me you won't understand. I'm so dumb to even tell myself, it's okay for all e' hurts you've given me. It's okay how many girls you had outside. I keep telling myself it's okay it's okay! As long you've played finish you knw your way back it's OKAY?! But this is not e' way! You said you won't come back anymore. I'm tired of asking you to be back. & yet e' next moment you told me we won't knw what's gonna happen in e' future? So what now? Are you dragging my time? Or you're just used of it that i'm always by your side? When you've found someone new you'll just throw me aside?

I dn't even dare to fxcking go outside your sch to fetch you cos' i'm afraid you dn't want ppl to see us tgt. You walked so far away from me as thou you dk me. There's once you dn't even want to let your classmate see us tgt in e' morning i've e' walk e' other way to avoid. Everytime you'll walk w me till you meet till your friends yet that day? Lol. I tried to make all e' times just to be w you. But you dn't even make any effort. I dn't even like studying. But bcos' of you i went to register for e' damn course. You told me you're studying alone, i just wanted to acc you. Yes i knw it's diff course. But you dn't even seems to want me to enroll for e' same course as you. So instead i went to register e' other courses. I was so upset when it's diff venue but yet you've got that smile on your face. End up someone told me you're studying w your friends. & you wanted was revenge. I did something unintentionally & you just wanted to do it back to me 10x more worst. You went to e' club took pictures w girls. Touched e' girl in e' cab. Text w girls when i'm beside you, i've to act like nth happen. Lol? I hvn't been sleeping at home all these while just to be w you. Maybe it was my fault, i'm too stupid? If you still wanna continue play, flirt ard or what. Can you just tell me? Stop making me whirling in a dilemma. I dn't play mind games. Idk what's gonna happen next. Idk what text i'll get from you next. I can't handle all these heartaches. Maybe it's time for me to get away from you. Cos' there will nvr be an ending. I dn't need any part time ppl in my life. You dn't come & go as you like. I dn't have that many friends like you. Idk who to turn to everytime you gave me sudden attacks. I'm not like you, text me say dn't contact yet e' next day club w you friends. I dn't even want to ask you things to knw e' truth. I rather you lie to me en' to hurt me w e' truth. Stop torturing me.

I dnt think I shld wait for something impossible to happen anymore. I give up.

You say, that you've always been true. Looking in your eyes, I see you lie. You're trying hard to hide that. There someone new you found and, you want me to believe that you still care. How can you hurt me this way. Everything I knew was loving you. How could you try pretending. Your love was never ending. Now you can't even say that you will stay. How could you say you love me. When you would go and leave me. How could you make me hurt so bad. When I have loved you more than anyone can do. Can't believe the pain. That I'm feeling now because of loving. I can't seem to understand. How can love me so unkind. Still you broke my heart. Despite what I've done Still my love was not enough. Though I given you my all..

As long as you're happy i dn't mind. If you still want to contact me we'll still be contacting. If you dn't want me anymore. I'll just go. I'm so tired of fighting.

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Bla bla bla, very funneh. I learnt it from my lil' bro. E' way he says it is so cute! He's always that precious of mine (; & yea I'm gonna revive my blog soon. How soon? As soon as my fringe is long! Aha. I can't stand taking pic w my cmi short fringe. Went down to help out Gillian's flea that held out @ Scape! It's super hot over there & everyone can't stop complaining it's so hot! Sweat like hell. Bought a mouse and ring at e' flea. No clothes )); sad case! & I'm officially sick again. Like WTF. Told all of you my sb steady friend, flu. Cfm come visit me almost every mth. Powerpact right? But fxck you flu I hate you. Go away! K I'm gonna sleep. Hope e' 2 tablets of panadol flumax that I popped helps. Nights earthlings! Toodles.


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