I feel that i'm such a loser in life ! I didn't know how to 'cherish' in e' past . I only think for myself , I only cherish myself , I only trust myself in e' past . & because of this , i lost many great things in life . For eg , my girlfriends , my ex(s) & one thing which i missed e' most is my grandfather . I was selfish in e' past . Ey' can't stand my horrible attitude . One by one left me . & i dn't give a damn to em' leaving me or not . I didn't care about their feelings . I yelled at em' when i was unhappy , i scolded em' for every lil' things ey' did . I call e' shots for everything & wanting em' to listen to me . But patient has its limits . In e' end we walked seperate ways . I left school . I made hell lots of friends outside when i left school . But i knw ey're not e' one who are true & we won't last for long . Ey' each wore different masks . Yes , & i left em' . School friends are still e' best . I hate my attitude . When i dn't like someone means i dn't like ! Means i'll not talk to her until i feel happy i would talk to her . & i'll totally treats her as a stranger . But .. these decisions i made all along was wrong . I gave up those good ones & made bad friends . So what i changed my atttitude now ? We'll no longer be e' same in e' past . I changed my attitude , yes . I became 100% tolerant to my present friends . What do i get ? Disappointment & everything . For eg , Esther . I knew you would read this . There's alot of misunderstandings between us & there's alot of things which i hadn't told you . I'm real angry with you that time , you knw ? We should meet up one day to clarify out . We're total stranger now ?! Have you thought why would our friendship became so cold ? & my sec school 'sisters' in e' past i knew we should put dwn e' past & move on in life . I always envy those who wrote on their blog how their sisterhood rocks . & i always think back of my 'sisters' . Everything is too late . I always wanted to win everyone in e' past . But now i know winning isn't everything . So what if you wins ? You're not happy at all . Why not live in a state of 'happy go lucky' instead of that ?

I dn't knw what nonsense am i talking about . But for all these lost . I've learnt how to cherish more . I dn't wish to lost anyone in my life again . That is when i learn how to cherish ...

But some of e' things are not up to me . Like for Mel & Adrain Toh . Happy moments never lasts . Heaven would always like to make a fool of us . I knew Mel won't be coming back to sg' & Adrian when are you coming out ? I missed both of you so much . Ey' made me knew what was e' real friendship . But .. ey' left me still .

Sighs . What has become of me ? Why have i lost confidence in myself ? I wasn't like this in e' past ! I wouldn't cry over spilled milk . I wouldn't because of small matters bring myself dwn . But why now ? ...