Happy Moments Never Lasts.

It always ended so fast. So many mixed emotions right now. Can't find any right words to say. I dn't feel like telling it to any of my friends, i feel so irritated. But i just felt so awful in my heart. I knew my tears would fall eventually while i'm typing this post. I always broke all e' promises i've made to myself. I swear i wouldn't shed a single tear anymore for any unhappy scene i've ponder about it randomly. But i just couldn't control it. It just flows so automatically while you're listening to a sentimental song while thinking late at night alone in your room. Flashes of unhappy events just seems to be gliding thru your mind like flipping a thousand pages book with your thumb. I just want to be happy, that's all. I dn't need money to make me feel happy. I dn't need a perfect guy to make ppl envious of my perfect love story. I dn't need circle of friends to brighten up my days with em' by my side partying or fun nights out to make me feel i'm leading a real life. These are just side dishes from our life. But what do i want actually? Why am i always so pessimistic & think negatively of my life? I've been asking so many times of myself. I feel so irritated. Have you all felt so speechless about everything & gets so sick & tired of telling people, explaining those things you never did & you never meant? Cos' e' person just wouldn't be bothered with your explainations he/she die hard would think every word from your mouth are just bullshit? Trying not to make a mountain out of a mole hill, giving in each & every time to him/her. But e' person just dsn't appreciates e' 'giving in' part & assumed you can't be bothered with e' thing that has been an issue of e' subject your have been arguing about? All you did was to apologize time & time. Talking to him.her nicely. But he/she just flares at you? Something thats stucked within me. I felt that i can't breathe for a moment but after awhile it seems fine? Restrictions, i dn't mind. I dn't mind having no friends but just you. But you always got issues with me. That made me felt that i really need my friends by my side to guide me along, sharing w em' my unhappy things. I'm a girl & every girl are e' same, ey' need to talk to my gfs. If i'm a boy, i wouldn't have to do that. Idk whats with me? It came repeatedly to me till i dn't even feel like saying anything. My tears just flows whenever i saw those texts. I loved to sing so much at kbox. But i dread gg kbox. Cos' whenever those songs i played, e' first thing i thought of is someone. I would be in a daze sometimes when certain songs are played. I hate to cry infront of my friends. Why do i have to hold back my tears when its on e' rim of my eyelid & i got to rub it away to act like i'm so fine? E' feeling just sucks so much. & i just dn't feel like bothering my friend telling em' what has gotten onto me? I find some cases are exceptional. I'm not trying to say i've got hurt so deeply. Chill, i'm not. But why some ppl just dn't understand? Ey've been telling you he/she has gotten so upset from you & e' reason. But i just suppress everything in my heart not wanting to voice out telling you i'm upset. You just dn't know anything. I dn't wanna be like a irritating fxcker telling you every small minor things to start a fight. I just dn't understand why some ppl just love each other but yet ey're unhappy being tgt? It's not that i'm not happy. I'm happy as well. I'm even happier when i see e' wide smile you gave me whenever we met & e' happiest thing is seeing you happy. Its enough alrdy. Rly enough le. Those crazy nights we played, beautiful past. It just makes me wanna cry whenever i thought about it. Telling my friends about all those beautiful days i'll smile & giggle happily to myself whenever i share w em'. I really hope that time would rewind back & stop at those happy scenarios. But happy moment never lasts! What's e' prob actually? I've been figuring out. Does e' prob lies on me? Have i not play my part well? Or you're actually sick of me? Sorry, i can never be e' perfect one in your eyes. Love me for my imperfections would turned me to a perfect person in your eyes.

Till en'. I just dn't feel like typing anymore. Ciaos.