You Can't Have A Rainbow Without The Rain .

It's 6.14 am now . I'm still wide awake ! I think i gotta popped few sleeping pills to sleep forever . I started to dread my life . I have a sudden urge to give up everything in life . I hope one day e' world would really come to an end . That's e' only way to solve it . Many things in life is uncontrollable . We can't change e' fact on where are we standing now , which family we're from , what gender are we etc etc etc .. If only i had a choice . I wouldn't wanna be a human (; I wanna be a bird w/o troubles & having freedom . Which can fly ard & roam ard e' world . W/o stucking at a certain area to have decisions to be made . I often think , if one day i departed from this world where would my next direction be ? Is there rly such a place called e' netherworld ? Would i met up with my grandfather there ? (; Ha . Maybe i'm missing him too much . Yes i rly am . I still couldn't get over it . I still cried w/o fail on bus & train when i'm heading school . Nothing beats kinship . Needless to say , i'm so closed to him . He's forever so great to me ! How i wished i could tell it on his face how great was he . There's a phrase ' nothing is always too late . ' It's a total crap . How can a dead person be alive by en' ? It's too late . I've wasted too much time . Many friends told me to get over it , how can i ? How can we ? How can my family & i get over it ? Do you all know he's e' 1st person that created such a huge impact on us ? I'v nvr cried so hard & bitterly before for a loss of relative ? I'v a feeling , a strong one . He has nvr left us till now . I'm sorry readers . Let me vent it all out . I know i'm being rather long winded . It can't helps .

I am tired of everything . There's no way to solve it . Family quarrels between small issue . Do you know how scary it is ? Do you know it is 100times scarier compared to quarrel with friends & boyfriend ? I'v never met such an incident of my family being like this before . We used to be so closed . We used to be a loving family . Everything is shattered . I dn't wanna carry on like this . Please .

This song reminds me of e' past . I really missed those past (; If only i have a time machine . I would really like to turn it back to when i am in Sec 1 . I would choose my friends wisely . & i would choose not to meet those who are with me now . It's a total chaos of who i am now !



I know smoking kills . Just let me smoke my life away . I wanna leave . I dn't wanna stay anymore . When it comes to have troubles , you'll know who are your best friends . Those who stayed with you . Not those who left you behind . I know who are mine . But i'll have to neglect em' for a while . Understand my situation (;

& my baby who is there for me 24/7 during these days . I rly appreciate that (; I rmbred one day while i was chatting with fangying during my grandfather's funeral . Fangying held my hand real hard & shouted ' MUMMY ! I SAW AH HOONG LEY ! ' I said ' Aiyah dn't bluff laa , he in camp how to come ? ' & en' i saw baby appeared ! Was so so so surprised & elated to see him there .

I love you all .