'Cause tonight is the night when two become one . on 4/4/09

I'm so tired of gg school . On a week cfm 1 or 2 days i won't be gg . Kick off that bad habit of mine can ! & baby just told me he's gonna perform at Ndp . Sian ! National Day i have to stay at home to watch fireworks on tv alrdy ); Damn my lappy ! When i'm surfing e' net halfway all e' windows are closed . Damn ! Intending to upload pictures , But very pekcek with my lappy . Dn't feel like uploading anymore ! Ugh ! Think i'm gg sleep alrdy . Sayo ! Tmr is Lit lessons . Sian million times !

You can choose not to read e' bottom . I just blogged this out to make myself feel better .

There's no love forever . ' Two will eventually become one ' Humans will die . Either your husband or wife will leave you first & that is when two become one . Wonder how does it feels like when there's no love ?


Tell me , how can i not miss my grandfather ? I can't even hear his last words to me on e' day he left us . He can't even see me . He has no strength at all ! I didn't even called him when i rushed dwn to e' hospital . E' moment i saw him i was lost for words . I dn't knw how to react . All i know is to cry & cry . My heart ache so much to see him with oxygen mask on & grasping for air trying to breathe so hard . Trying hard not to let his breath go away . I'm staying at his place on every weekend . My house has all his photos put out . Even my wallet has his photo . Everywhere , everything & even some songs reminds me of him . How can i not miss him ?! I'm wondering every night where is he now ? What is he doing ? Can he hear what i've talked to him ? Does he know i miss him ? & i dn't knw is there such a thing at netherworld or reicarnation ? Why is there so many (question marks) in this world ? Does he still rmb me ? I miss him calling me 'ah girl' . I know i can nvr hear him call me again . Nvr in my life again . I still can't take my mind off that scene at hospital to watch his breathe stop . My eyes was glued to e' thingy that goes up & dwn like stocks ? To calculate his heartbeat or smth like a meter ? E' moment it gets lower & lower everyone's shouting went louder & louder & when e' meter went straight there goes a sound ' deeeeeee ' At that time i prayed & prayed that god would nt take my grandfather away . Everybody shouted for him to come back & wake up . My relatives , my grandfather's friend , cousins , aunties almost everyone create a din beside his bed side to ask him not to leave us all . Even e' nurse that attended my grandfather cried . Can you imagine 20+ ppl close to 30 occupied e' whole room crying & shouting ? Do you know ? Losing a kin is far more worst en' losing your bf ! This is e' 1st time i cried so hard & cried so long . 1st time ! & i hope it will be e' last time . I dn't want to see any of my family members leaves me again . I rly cannot take e' blow i tell you . I cfm will go crazy . Cos' family is e' most impt thing to me . I rly hope i would die 1st .

I'm sorry . I'm a very emotional person & i can breakdown very easily . I dn't feel like talking this to anybody but here blogging will do . This is not a r/s problem . My friends dn't knw how to handle it . & i dn't think i have a need to talk to em' this prob . I just feel like blogging . & i rly hope my grandfather knows i missed him alot . Next life , i wanna be his granddaughter again . I know my mum felt e' same way too . He's just so great .

I totally have no mood to go shopping with friends or meet up with em' .

But if my grandfather is rly happy on e' other world . I will too be very happy for him . I'll be million times happier to see him happy (; Now e' next which i worried e' most is my grandmother & my great grandmother . I've nvr thought that my granfather would be e' 1st to leave us . So so so unexpected .