E' 7pm show , suddenly reminds me of gong gong ); E' scenario is almost e' same . Until nao , e' image of him when he finally took his last breath on e' hospital bed is still within me . Calling & shouting our lungs out for him asking him not to shut his eyes . All of us making a nuisance in e' ward . Even e' doctor & nurses cried with us . I miss him so much . Talking about this , my tears started rolling dwn my cheeks unknowingly again . This is e' worst feeling ever . Idk , why some ppl can just let go of e' tragedy in a midst of time of a kin leaving & nvr returns again . Whenever late night cab journey that pass by General Hosp , silence befalls on me . Reminding me bits & pieces of him . I knw never in my life i would ever see him again . So everytime , i pray , i hope & i wish for a time machine . But i know it's never gonna come true . Waking up in e' morning , letting my way out to my living room . I just couldn't help to take a glance on his photo that is placed on my tv console . That picture , i snapped it for him when he's laughing so heartily using my fone . I daren't see his photo , but just a quick glance . Cos' i know my tears would just falls . But even just a quick glance couldn't help me to let my tear falls . It's 4th april soon . E' depart of him from us for 1 year . I just couldn't believed it . Watching him gasping for his last breath on e' bed side was just like ytd . & time just flies . I hold back my tears whenever we're praying him , i just dn't knw why i'm so easily defeated by my tears . I dn't wish to cry too . No one was crying , but why me ? When can i ever see him again ? My broken home 15 years ago , he was taking care of me in & out when my mum was busy working & my dad was nowhere . He gave me e' feeling of a perfect home . We were so close , relatives & friends of him teasing us that i'm like his girlfriend cos' i would stick to him whenever i wants to go to bed or even anywhere . But now ? He's not there for me anymore . But above , watching over me .

I miss you so much ever , grandpa .

I regretted for so much things that i've promised you , but i couldn't give you . Sorry .
I never cherished someone that dotes so much on me , that is why i'm missing him so dearly now .

& miraculously a butterfly flew into my room from nowhere an hour after i post this ...