I Hate This Feeling In Life !

History lesson today ! I'm lovin' it ;D I was late for an hour . Expected ;/ Always as tardy as ever ! & i hate e' time now ); It's 1.27am . I'v nothing better to do except to blog & fb ! It's so so so boring can ?! My life is in a recycle of - use comp , sleep , wakeup , bathe , go school , reach home , eat & e' recycle goes on & on , again . =='

& i was browsing thru an on9 shop & it sells Ralph Lauren's tote . Is this nice ? I wanna get one for school . Or longchamp is better ? Hmm hmm ..



I camwhored again ;/











Why is e' feeling of guilt ain't going away ? I'm feeling so terrible . I just can't accept e' fact he's gone . Whenever i see his photos it reminded me to cherish someone before you lost him/her . He'll be e' one who opened e' door for me whenever i reached his house . He's e' one who fetch me from sch in e' past . He's e' one who used to pat me to sleep when i was young . He's e' one who teached me my english homeworks . He's e' one who'll acc me to watch tv till late night even though he's tired/sleepy . He's e' one who is always giving me $$ afraid that i've not enough to spend . I felt so empty . When i close my eyes i could see him smiling at me . I dn't want him to go to another world . I know i can't be so selfish . Why must he suffer so much in life ? Those illness . What wrong has he done in e' past life ? How i wished i could take all those sufferings from him . & make him lead a better life . If i had a choice , i'm willing to sacrifice my life for his . I dn't wanna end up living my life with this memory on my head . You know ? E' feeling of losing someone in your family so close to you is million times heartbroken en' breaking up with your boyfriend ? Why am i crying in e' late night when i'm alone ? He's gone . Forever gone . I hate e' emotional part of me ! Why do i have to breakdown easily ? Why do i have to shed tears so easily ? Why can't i be stronger ?

在天堂的公公，我们永远怀念着你。

Love Dosen't Makes The World Goes Round ,
But It Makes The Ride Worthwhile .

These are pics long ago .
I like this . E' background is not edited ! It's really a huge crowd of people when we're counting down @ marina sq. for 09' .

11 months at esplanade (; Self shot .

Reminiscing back to e' past . I've forgotten how we first met . Until baby reminded me that we actually met each other in club ! I hated him for drinking my drink in e' club then ==' I rmbr i left my drink on e' table & went dwn e' dancefloor . When i came back for my drink , it was finished ;/ By who ? Him . Z ! & he said we actually knw each other for a very long period of time but we dn't really talk to each other . I knew he send me a message in friendster claiming that i'm very familiar . (Laughs) Wondering where am i now & who i'll be ending up with if i didn't get tgt with him back then ? I'm randomly typing these now . Cos' i'm suffering from insomnia ! Gosh ! I'm having sleepless nights everyday . Help me pleaseeee ! I didn't attend today's maths lesson again . I hate maths , maths & maths okay ! Shit ass . I wanna sing K ! But i'm broke very very broke now ! How how how ? God please save me !

Turning in very soon . But i knw i'll be tossing & turning on my bed for few hrs );

Goodnight earthlings . May my fringe be very long in no time !

This post gonna be boring & wordy ! Mind you !

I'm too bored now while watching Crayon Shinchan on youtube ); & i'm a lil' sleepy alrdy . Gonna hit e' sack soon aft this post . Okay , i'm finally back home from e' hard weekends over at my grandma's house . It's rather fun instead of a hard one . Cos' i get to play ard with my cousin & baby is also staying over with me at my grandma's house . Awe isn't it ? We get to do craps while baby is crazy over his psp on e' wee hours . & my grandma house is too scary for me . Total darkness ! & i'm very afraid of e' dark . I used to sleep with my lights on & it leads to my room's light bulb fused now !! I'm using a standing lamp now ); It's not yet to be fixed . My dad is always working overseas flying to & fro . My mum ? Needless to say . =='

My fb is like so dead . I'm so not into my pet society alrdy . I'm gonna stopped playing for a moment . It rly gets way too bored for me now . Try e' vampire wars . It's quite nice . & i love my avatar ! I wanna play L4D ! L4D ! L4D ! Baby tried to install it into my comp . But this game dsn't seems to work for windows vista . How disappointed . & my fringe , could you please grow faster ? & e' longer e' better ! I seriously need a new haircut soon ! But as for my fringe length it's impossible for a new hairdo );

There's alot of prayers we need to do for my grandpa . & i think i'm too old for that . Cos' when i kneel dwn for not more en' 20mins my leg seems cramp & i can't stop moving ! ;/ Grand aunt says i'm disrespectful ); I look like a nerd over those days at my grandma's house . I'm lazy to put on contact lens , makeup & straighten my hair . W specs , wavy & no makeup me ! Omgsh can you imagine ?! But baby says he love me when i'm natural ! Weeee ;D

Oh ya ! I went for a swim with baby today @ safra . Due to e' weather i only get to swim 3 laps & off i head to e' bathroom for wash up . It's a disappointment to me ); & i watched Fast & Furious 4 with baby & my cousin ! Not nice leys ! E' tokyp drift one is nicer la ! Waste my money treat my cousin . LOL

It's been very long since i've wear nice nice clothes , killer heels & put on makeup ! & take nice nice pictures . Oh ya ! Think of that , i've been waiting for a mth plus gg 2 mths for my DUEBA LENS ! Angry ! Faster mail me laa , i need a new pair of lens . My current geo lens is making my eyes so irritated .

Mediacorp stars award make me so disappointed ! I thought e' best female lead will go to jeanette aw . But it goes to joanne peh . Damn damn damn !!

Now really damn ! Aft i typed finish this post i dn't feel sleepy at all . I wanna sleep !!!

& I DYED MY HAIR BLACK ! BLACK ! CAN YOU IMAGINE ? I DYED BLACK ! I still prefer my blond hair ); & i rebond my fringe ! So flat like pancake . I gonna highlight my hair soon ! (; Hopefully .

Can Dreams Be Turn Into Reality ?

Double , double yayyyyyyy ! Many yayyyy ! I'v dreamt of my grandfather . But this time round i didn't see him . I heard his voice once over again ! He called my hp ! & he all he said was ' hello , call me & he laughs ' & e' line went dead .. I know before he laughs i shouted over e' fone ' Gong gong ! Wo hen xiang ni ! ' Once i woke up i told my mum about it . & she said maybe gong gong wanted to tell us that he's happy on e' other world . Cos' he laughed (; Is good that he called me ! Cos' i can hear his voice which i may not to hear it forever on real life . & guess what ? E' num that he called appeared on my hp is my cousin's hp num !! & my aunt called my mum saying that she heard someone meddling with her room's desk like flipping thru things . Today is gong gon 3rd week of death . Chinese is ' san qi ( 3 , 7 ) ' .

You Can't Have A Rainbow Without The Rain .

It's 6.14 am now . I'm still wide awake ! I think i gotta popped few sleeping pills to sleep forever . I started to dread my life . I have a sudden urge to give up everything in life . I hope one day e' world would really come to an end . That's e' only way to solve it . Many things in life is uncontrollable . We can't change e' fact on where are we standing now , which family we're from , what gender are we etc etc etc .. If only i had a choice . I wouldn't wanna be a human (; I wanna be a bird w/o troubles & having freedom . Which can fly ard & roam ard e' world . W/o stucking at a certain area to have decisions to be made . I often think , if one day i departed from this world where would my next direction be ? Is there rly such a place called e' netherworld ? Would i met up with my grandfather there ? (; Ha . Maybe i'm missing him too much . Yes i rly am . I still couldn't get over it . I still cried w/o fail on bus & train when i'm heading school . Nothing beats kinship . Needless to say , i'm so closed to him . He's forever so great to me ! How i wished i could tell it on his face how great was he . There's a phrase ' nothing is always too late . ' It's a total crap . How can a dead person be alive by en' ? It's too late . I've wasted too much time . Many friends told me to get over it , how can i ? How can we ? How can my family & i get over it ? Do you all know he's e' 1st person that created such a huge impact on us ? I'v nvr cried so hard & bitterly before for a loss of relative ? I'v a feeling , a strong one . He has nvr left us till now . I'm sorry readers . Let me vent it all out . I know i'm being rather long winded . It can't helps .

I am tired of everything . There's no way to solve it . Family quarrels between small issue . Do you know how scary it is ? Do you know it is 100times scarier compared to quarrel with friends & boyfriend ? I'v never met such an incident of my family being like this before . We used to be so closed . We used to be a loving family . Everything is shattered . I dn't wanna carry on like this . Please .

This song reminds me of e' past . I really missed those past (; If only i have a time machine . I would really like to turn it back to when i am in Sec 1 . I would choose my friends wisely . & i would choose not to meet those who are with me now . It's a total chaos of who i am now !



I know smoking kills . Just let me smoke my life away . I wanna leave . I dn't wanna stay anymore . When it comes to have troubles , you'll know who are your best friends . Those who stayed with you . Not those who left you behind . I know who are mine . But i'll have to neglect em' for a while . Understand my situation (;

& my baby who is there for me 24/7 during these days . I rly appreciate that (; I rmbred one day while i was chatting with fangying during my grandfather's funeral . Fangying held my hand real hard & shouted ' MUMMY ! I SAW AH HOONG LEY ! ' I said ' Aiyah dn't bluff laa , he in camp how to come ? ' & en' i saw baby appeared ! Was so so so surprised & elated to see him there .

I love you all .

Beautifully Imperfect .

I realise , idk how to camwhore anymore .. Bear with those pictures .



Messy & nude look .


My nails ! Omg . I only gently pick up my handphone & en' ... it broke ! It broke ! Z !


Last sun went to bugis new shopping mall , ILUMA with baby . Most of e' shops are opened , but not all . Look at e' design . It's so cool . Those light bulbs form words at night .


& went to walk ard in bugis V . Bumped onto my ex colleauges Xiaomei jie & kelly . Miss em' laa ! :D & bought 1 top , highwaist short & 2 dress . & when i reached hm i realised on of em' dsn't fit me at all ); Putting up for sale soon . Visit http://www.shopping-at-faye.blogspot.com . New items up ! Support ah !

You got to try this . It's oil free ! I hate e' 2 phases oily eye makeup remover . But this is definately cool & oil less .


Newly bought eyelash curler with e' spring thingy .


Banana treaties from japan ! Yum yum !


& my gong gong (; I miss you many many !


Gong gong , faster come into my dreams okay ? I've so much to tell you (;

Sigh . Everything has been a mess for me .
Baby i need your hug now ); Faster friday !! I miss you so much .

I've nothing to say . Nothing to blog .
I'm running against time .
I feel like sleeping forever . Never wakes up .

If only i'm a sleeping beauty .

这次告别就不能再相遇

I still missed my grandfather . I dn't mind losing any of my friends . But not my family members . Why can't i meet my friends less to acc. my grandfather more ? My grandfather may find me very long winded now in e' other world . But i still can't let go of this fresh sudden incident . It happens too fast . Everytime e' train passed by khatib i would turn away & tear . Still i have to say , sorry gong gong . I did not play my part as a good grand daughter . I knw you dote on me very much . He's gone . Forever gone . I won't have any chance to touch his hands again .

Good nights .
Will not be blogging or using facebook on every weekends alrdy );
Have to stay over at my granny's place to take care of her .

I will miss Sshaylarose & my pet , Happy in fb !
Sians . My exp in pet society have to freeze for 3 days .
How can i chiong ?! Hmms , very sad *

I am selling off my clothes ! Interested buyers pls email me at baby--ibeliefs@hotmail.com .
Help me clear my wardrobe . Selling off at reasonable prices . Impulsive buys , brand new or in good condition .

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Because I'm A Girl .

Idk what to blog about . But i just feel like typing out . I realise after something happened to my grandfather , my family is in chaos . ==' 1st . Conflicts between two families . 2nd . My aunt quarelled w my aunt . 3rd . My mum nearly quarelled w my aunt's husband . 4th . My mum quarelled with my small aunt . Now ?! 5th ! My mum quarelled with my dad ! All these leads to my grandfather's case . Sigh ! My grandfather would be real upset to see my family like this .

History lesson today . When i reached e' school foyer at ard 7.30pm i saw my classmates gathering there . & i went to gather with em' too . Lols ! Gwen , one of my classmate told me our history teacher cancelled e' class last min w/o informing us thru msges . Whenever he cancel class he would msg us to tell us like in 1hr advance . But today e' whole class was waiting for him until e' office admin came up & told em' class last min cancelled . Z ! Made my way out of school . & went to Admiral Bar to drink . Boring day after all !

I hate reality .

I'm sick again . Again ! E' same old friends visited me again . Flu & Cough ! Can you both leave me alone forever ?! I hate it ! Arghhhhhh .. I'm always so weak ! Just reached home from school . Halfway during lesson i felt nauseous & my gastric is on form ;/ & wanting to leave my lesson to hurried back home to rest . But after i went to e' canteen & have a bite i'm alright alrdy . Everywhere i go it reminds me of my grandfather . Everything is still so fresh to me & my family . I knw as days passes by , i might get used to it . E' feeling of him is still there . I just dn't believed he has left us . Maybe what baby say is right . I can't face up to reality & can't accept e' fact that my grandfather is gone . He can nvr be replaced . Since young he's e' one who took care of me . I dn't have a happy childhood . I dn't like to tell my friends about my past . My grandfather e' one who made my childhood days so memorable . My mum & dad dsn't give a shit to me at all till i was 7 yrs old . Idk why ? Those days with him .. will forever be engraved on my heart . I can't help but to tear . We're too close in e' past alrdy . Sigh .



My facebook is .. Z ! Deaddddd . Nope i mean my pet society ); 7 days of emptiness caused my pet to have flies all over & it made her starve . I feel so bad about it . Mua hua hua ;D I'v no mood to play pet society alrdy . One word ; I'm Bored of it alrdy .

Before gg school . No heavy make up . I didn't put falsies . Just eyeliner & mascara . Oh ya ! Baby bought me marjolica marjoca mascara ! It's rly good ! Try it (;









& 20 mins passed ! I'm done with my mask alrdy (;

Nah nah nah . My gastric is acting up again ! Someone help pleaseeeee ...
I miss baby . He's having outfield again . Poor thing .

& Mum bought me this .

I prefer falsies made from sterillized human's hair compared to those plastic ones . Human's hair last longer en' plastic ones . & it's easier to stick on . It'll not hurt delicate eye . Some plastic falsies material is so hard causing it to hurt my eye .

Regret . Kinship is still e' best .

It's been a week ! Shaylarose is empty ); On 4/4/09 afternoon my grandfather passed away . & i'm staying over at my grandmother's hse over e' days . I'll be gg home tonight . & i'm at baby's hse now .

It's so sudden . My grandfather just passed away @ SGH . He'll always be e' best grandfather i ever had . I rly regretted not visiting him often in e' past . I didn't have any chance now . He had liver failure . He's my 1st closest family members who passed away . In r/s i always tell myself ' when you'v lost something , you'll learn how to cherish . ' But i hvn't felt it & understand its meaning although i always tell myself . Now i finally learn its meaning .

& cherished what you have now , cos' when it's gone , it'll be gone forever . He's really gone forever now . I can only flip thru photo albums to see him again . I can only talk to his ashes to chat with him . I regret . Regret . Really regret ! Sorry gong gong . I knw you always want me to go your hse visit you , always want me to be there during family outing , wanting me to be there for your birthday , wanting me to always send him songs into his hp ( but i always tell him later la , later la ) . But i didn't make it . I'm so so so fxck up . Sorry . You ask me to take good care of popo , i will de . Rest assured . I'm so proud of you you can fixed electric appliances so well . But nw , no one would knw how to fixed alrdy .

Gonggong , you'll always stay in our heart . Rip .
I missed you badly . Sigh

His funeral was held at Blk 825 for 5 days . My aunt took a video of my grandfather's coffin to be pushed in on cremation day @ Mandai . All of us shouted like crazy . I dn't knw why when he's coffin is pushed in my heart felt so sour telling me that i can't see him forever alrdy . Thanks friends , relatives to be there on e' last day .

Something happened to my grandfather . Will be blogging when i'm back !

Stay Tuned !

I'm back (; What's with e' weekends ? I didn't attend school on thurs ! Bcos' of my bangs . I should have bang myself on e' wall ! & i wokeup very late on friday . Baby's book out ard 4plus yet i wokeup @ 6plus . Went northpt again ;/ & he bought a belt . Shopped for his jeans but dsn't have his size ); & back 4head to have dinner & homed ! Baby is sleeping alrdy .

& i'm gonna continue to watch my TVB vcds (; This time round is E.U . A randome title . But it's about police force . Thumbs up !

Will be back w more updates . No life , no life . Tsk tsk !



Put dwn better or put up ?



Should be weird .

1st April .

In Ever Loving Memory To Leslie Forever .

( Click it if you dn't knw who is he . )
http://www.leslie-cheung.net/

He's an idol of mine ! My close friends would knw . & ey' likes to make fun of him ==' Jared is one of em' . & he even record smth in my mp3 talking about Leslie ! Saying he's a gay whatever .. ;/ Such an ass ! 1st April 2003 he departed us ); & it's e' 6th yr of his death anniversary today . Well , few yrs back i thought it was an April Fool's joke & i didn't belived it until it was up on e' news . Wth ! I cried so badly . & idk why ever since that year he passed away onwards i didn't played any prank on anyone . Except for forward msges . I still rmb i had a tiff w my mum . He threw away all my collections of Leslie Albums & magazines about him . It has alrdy been so many years alrdy . I still didn't forgets about him (; & my friends claim that i'm mad or old fashion ? ==' ! It dsn't matters he's a bisexual or what ? I likes his vocals & songs only mah ! He rly have a very powerful voice . Dn't belief ? Youtube & search for his live concerts . He has a voice that very least singers would have . Lastly , he's so charming too ! One of my fave song from him . & dn't you realise ? I'm not rly into Sg'or tw idols ? Mostly are from Hk . I find Hk guys so .. Omg ! Well , diff people have diff likings right ? Lols . But baby dn't worry , i still love you most most !

左右手 - Leslie Cheung

Baby is booking out tmr alrdy (;